Amusement

All summer long I've been promising the Bean I'd take her to the amusement park near our house. We've ridden our bike past it and she's seen the Ferris Wheel and the roller coaster and the kids yelling and has been very curious. Well this is the last weekend they are open until next summer so off we went!

They have a number of small kid friendly rides, some to be done with an adult and some just for them. Plenty of those "you must be this tall to go on this ride" signs. Those plagued me as a short kid in school.

Anyway:

Not so sure about the first ride - the Carousel. We only did this once.

Riding in a little air plane - all by herself!

Fun with mirrors.

Self portrait on the Ferris Wheel. The first time we approached it she thought it was too high. But 10 minutes later she wanted to get on it. She had a great time!

Ice cream break!

She liked the little cars.

We were there almost four hours. I finally had to call it and we got back on the bike to ride the 10 blocks home. It took all of about 45 seconds for her to fall asleep. A good end to a great day.

Never time enough

I am so way behind. I am feeling overwhelmed by my life recently. Like there are so many things that need my attention that I am drowning in just keeping up.

All that aside (because I'm sure everyone is all "yeah yeah yeah, join the club sister"), here are some thoughts/observations I wanted to get down.

Today is the last day that the Bean is unschooled. Tomorrow she begins preschool and forever after she will only be on vacation from school. I have very mixed feelings about this. For one, I am excited for her to go because I think she will like it. Its also important for her to be around other kids, not to mention the King could use the time.

But I also agonize over, well, everything having to do with school. Did we choose the right school, is she really ready for school, does she need to go to preschool at all, why can't I stay home and home school/unschool her? In a perfect world, one where I never had to work another day in my life, that would be the option I think I'd be the most interested in researching and pursuing. But since I'm not financially independent, I will try not to torture myself thinking about it too much.

Anyway, Bean, I hope daddy takes you to have ice cream for lunch today, or something fun like that. :-)

You have become quite the little climber recently. Whereas the majority of your peers and other kids we see your age have been actively hurtling themselves down slides and climbing scary things on the playground for at least a year or so now, you've always exhibited cautious behavior. I have neither encouraged nor discouraged this - allowing you to feel your way and make your own decisions about how you want to play. Within the past couple of months however you seem to be more comfortable with your body and its abilities. More trusting. You climb the ladders on the play structures without help (though with spotting - I'm still your mom). You run, you slide, you balance and swing and spin. You love to put your tummy on a swing and rock back and forth with your feet off the ground. You finally fit comfortably on your bike and spend most of your outside time on it, though not quite zooming around the block like the other kids. Mostly back and forth with some sporadic bursts of speed.

You still love La Nina above all others. She is your best friend and you could (and sometimes do) spend all day with her if allowed. I am really, REALLY glad that we like her parents! I've already done a lot of canning with La Mama, and we've shared a number of meals with them this summer. Already we are making plans for next! We share parenting tips and tricks, gardening and cooking ideas, and hope for a lot of outdoor adventures this fall and winter.

Bedtime hasn't changed, though you've had some nights of falling asleep fast and easy due to playing so hard and long during the day. You have pretty much stopped napping except those days with your daddy when you wake up too early. You still love to read and love going to the library. I'm glad because its one of my favorite outings too. We both love coming home with a backpack full of books. It is not unusual for us to have 30-40 books out of the library over a period of a few weeks and the best times are lunch on the porch with that full backpack and knowing we have a dozen unread goodies waiting for us.

I just realized that I went from writing about you to writing to you. Hope no one minds. Shows that you are usually at the forefront of my mind.

One of my guilty pleasures? You are still falling asleep in our bed. When I come to bed later I move you into your own bed. Then I get to lay down where you fell asleep and it is so warm and smells delicious.

I know many people think its weird or wrong to have you sleeping in our room still, albeit in your own bed. But I love being able to reach out and feel your foot or the top of your head. You had a nightmare the other night and all I had to do was roll over and whisper "you are safe, you are in your bed, in your room, in your house, with your mommy and daddy. You are safe." Repeated over and over until you settled down and went back to sleep. I don't think you even woke up. And I didn't even have to get out of bed!

You seem to be diversifying what you eat as well. You still enjoy "snacking" - or eating tiny bits throughout the day. And I have never known ANYONE to eat so much fruit. But you are also eating a few more vegetables, especially if it will get you a sweet treat after dinner (good god you are only three and we are already negotiating numbers of bites - how did I get here?). You know all about chocolate and ice cream and cookies but luckily we don't indulge you that often. You are great about letting me brush your teeth, thank you.

I am nervous about tomorrow. Some for the actual separation and how it will affect you and some for how this whole school thing will take over our lives. This is something I want to be an active part of, but I'm not sure I have it together enough. I don't really care what others think and yet, I don't want to be those parents. I really just want to stop time and catch up.

I really just want to stop time and spend more of it with you.

peaches

Way behind on posts, yeah, I know.

This is a note to self for next year though: 1 lug (about 20 lbs) of peaches makes about 11 quarts in the canner.

Good to know.

Faces

The Bean has been into making faces recently. Sometimes she makes them when she is not getting her way, sometimes she makes them at me when I make them at her, sometimes she just makes them for fun - running up to me, making the first face shown below, and then running off again to play. She loves to sit or stand on the bathroom counter and make faces at herself in the mirror. Come to think of it, this stems from something she's been doing for a long time.

(Amy, I can't put my finger on it but something in the above photo reminds me of June.)

And I love love LOVE this hair. It is the color of her daddy's, and gets even lighter in the sun, but there is no getting out of the fact that the unruly tangle of curls come from me. Sorry little one.

Thanks, Mom, for taking these pictures. She won't make the faces for me when I point the camera at her and I definitely would never think of taking pictures of hair.

Camping!

So, a bunch of years ago we bought a big family tent. Something that could sleep all of us plus the dogs. We settled on the 6 person Hobitat, using our REI dividend. We stuck it in the basement and forgot about it. Last year, when we were getting ready for our raft trip, we hauled it out and set it up in the backyard. And it was ridiculously enormous. It was bigger than our bedroom. So I returned it and traded down for the 4 person. This was a wise move, as campspots along rivers and in forests tend to be confined to spaces between very large rocks and low hanging trees.

Anyway, with the exception of that one raft trip we've never used it as a family! So a couple of weekends ago we packed everything up and headed into the great green world. Now, the majority of the campgrounds around here (and everywhere I assume) are geared towards RVs, motorhomes, and vehicles with trailers hauling noisy motorized toys. I have a tendency to enjoy peace and quiet while camping (I know, crazy me!) so I spent quite a bit of time researching campgrounds that are small and/or don't have RV sites. Knowing it was going to be in the 90's at least on Friday we headed for an area along a river that had a plethora of campgrounds, just in case a lot of other urbanites had the same idea.

And you know what? Everywhere was PACKED. When we finally found a spot it was in a huge campground where people were practically on top of each other. We also unfortunately picked a spot that was next to a large group that ended up partying until the wee hours. We got very little sleep. And it cost $25 for one night! So the next morning while everyone else went for a dip in the river I went scouting.

I ended up finding the perfect spot! And actually probably the last isolated spot on that stretch of river. We ended up parking on an embankment and having to haul all our gear (making many MANY trips) down a steep rocky slope to a little rocky beach. But we had it all to ourselves. No noise from other campers, no horrible latrine smell (the Bean had trouble even going in the outhouse at the campground), no partiers, no kids screaming, no obnoxious dirt bikes racing around the campground loop. Just our family and our dogs, the sound of the river, flat rocks for perching on, a ledge for jumping into the river, a swimming hole, a couple of patches of sand, and a huge rock to shelter us. We put our tent up right in the middle (after clearing away some of the larger rocks), swam and played all day, had a great dinner, read lots of books and played in the tent, and then sat around the campfire after the Bean was in bed and watched shooting stars, satellites, and a mysterious UFO-like object flash in the sky.

We all agreed that despite the schleping of stuff and having to scale a small cliff to grab that forgotten item in the car 13 billion times in 24 hrs, it was a MUCH better choice. We've pretty much decided never to camp in an official campground ever again in that area (and probably most others). Why pay the money when you get so little in return? Campgrounds are NOT what they were when I was a kid, or even 10 years ago! Until the Bean can hike in with us to a more remote spot all our car camping will be focused on untraditional areas.

35 months old

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

This is the last month that you will be two. How can this be my little Bean? Every day you move further away from baby hood and are ever closer to being a little girl. One with a big girl attitude already too.

This has been a fun month. You rediscovered the community pool and decided you liked it for splashing in on a hot day. In fact, you love most water features as long as they are tame and can be approached on your own terms. You are very much a cat person in this way. Cats are soft, move slowly, don't make a lot of noise or motion, and you can take them or leave them. Dogs, on the other hand, are noisy, in your face messy, can be stinky, and move around a lot. You adore our cat, more so than anyone else in the house, and often yell at the dogs. You treat water the same way. If it is still water, like a shallow pool or basin, you are all over it. If its a sprinkler, or fast moving stream, or some other type of spraying contraption, you skirt the edges and watch others enjoying it.

You are quite the shy little girl, prefering to stick with what you know. I believe I was much the same way when I was a little girl. I have some very vivid vacation memories of my dad befriending other kids for me, probably so that he could go relax and not have to spend his entire vacation entertaining me. Luckily, he was very good at it and I have some very good memories of new, albeit temporary, friends and the fun we had. Now I need to do the same for you, Little Bean.

I have attempted to return to drumming for the African dance class, one of my passions. I love to bring you so that you can enjoy it too. However, you are so shy of the other kids there that you will only play with me, and therefore I don't get to drum. My project for the rest of the summer is to find a way for you to accompany me and have a good time without needing me within a 6 inch radius.

Playgrounds are in again, and you seem to have avoided the fear of heights both your parents have. You love the monkey bars, as long as one of us is holding you, a difficult endeavor sometimes for your vertically challenged mama.

This month has also marked a return to local harvest and berry picking. You liked going with our neighbors, including La Nina, much better than your boring old mama and Mimi, who were a little too intent on actually picking berries rather than running around and playing. It's hard to compete with La Nina though. You prefer to play with her over all others, except maybe your brother once in awhile. Your kinship with the little girl next door has been both a blessing and a curse. When she is around, the rest of us can relax a bit and talk to other adults - as long as we keep a close eye on the two of you lest you fall to biting, hitting, shoving, and yelling at each other. Very much like siblings actually.

When she is not around however you can be mopey, or impatient, or downright blue. Sometimes you cry when she has to go somewhere. Many times I have suggested a number of fun things for us to do and you willingly agree, adding "and La Nina can come too!". And when I explain that she will not be joining us on that particular adventure you decide its not worth doing or going. This breaks my heart a bit, despite my happiness at you having a friend your age.

Other problems present themselves that I don't know how to handle. Sometimes when a fight breaks out that was clearly started by La Nina and her mother takes her in to calm down and have a chat about it you mope like it was really your fault, and like you are being punished. This breaks my heart a lot, and I find myself having to explain to you that you did nothing wrong.

Luckily, your funks never last too long. You are, inherently, a happy little girl, one who is well loved and well respected. You have a lot of silliness in you, partly from being 3 and mostly from spending long hours with your father, for which I am grateful. I take myself WAY too seriously and don't want you to head in that direction.

We are still nursing. Mostly at bedtime and on weekends in the mornings. I am still talking about how it will all end when you turn 3 next month but so far you don't really believe me. You repeat back to me what I've told you - that the boobs will still be there but there will be no more milk. But when I say "and that means no more booba snuggle" you just smile and shake your head and say "nooooooo" in that laughing way that sounds like "oh mama, how you joke". I'm not joking though Little Bean, and this is going to be a really tough transistion for both of us. I am really, really done though. Really. So please be kind and enjoy just the regular snuggling okay?

Speaking of bedtime yours has gotten out of hand. Since the time you were falling asleep has been pushed back later and later (10-11 pm!) we decided to cut the nap. This means that between 3-6 pm you are uber grumpy and tired. Unfortunately, you seem to get a 2nd wind after that and bedtime STILL seems to be 10 or later most nights. Grrrrrr. I'm not quite sure how to change this, but I do know that its making me crazy and something has to change. I'm not sure if the solution is to put you to bed at 7:30 (and all the craziness that entails of trying to get you fed and indoors when it is light out and kids are still playing) or just give up and accept the fact that you are a bit of a night owl.

In a couple of weeks my parents, Mom Mom and Pop Pop, come out for a visit and I plan to take full advantage of the free baby sitting we are all really looking forward to it. The older you get the more you realize what fun it is to have another set of adults wrapped around your little finger and at your beck and call.

But you know that I will always be first in line for that particular job, my delicious little girl, for you are the most fun I have ever had in my entire life.

All my love,

Mama

Sun + water = pass out!

We had a couple of beautiful days this past weekend. The kind that remind you that summer does eventually come to the Pacific Northwest if you wait long enough. And then of course we get slammed by the DOG days of summer like we're expected to get later this week. The kind that make all those basement projects you've been putting off a little more appealing. We PNWers are a fickle lot. We get so excited to see temps hit the low 60s in March or April but freak out and whine when we get them in June. But once the thermometer climbs above 90 we start moaning about the heat and pine for the cool cloudy, dare I say rainy?, days to return. I know I'm not the only one that hates to have to water the garden.

But anyway, back to our brief window of mid-80s weather. The Bean and I were hanging out, missing La Nina and her family who were visiting the Coast, and wondering what to do with ourselves. When I asked her, the Bean out of nowhere suggested we go to the swimming pool. This seemed like an odd request since we hadn't been since the previous summer and she hadn't particularly enjoyed the experience - too often too crowded meaning overstimulation and big kids running and splashing my sensitive little girl. A couple of days later I figured it out though - one of her current favorite library books is about a little girl who goes to the local swimming pool with her grandma.

So anyway, after some cajoling to actually get going we packed up and meandered to the public pool. It is open on the shallow end, meaning it has no lip, and looks like a lake or beach. This is a fantatic design for small children who want to wade without committing to actually getting wet, and ideal for people like myself and the Bean who are somewhat allergic to cold water and prefer to dip our toes for a LONG time until the heat drives us further in. We ran into some neighbors there, and the Bean had a chance to check out what some of her friends do in the pool. This always challenges her to push her limits, something I love, and with no urging on my part she actually got in a little above her waist. We had a great time and spent about two hours there.

With all that sun and water though, not to mention no nap, I knew the clock was ticking. The moment we got home I handed the Bean to her daddy with instructions NOT to let her fall asleep and sent them outside while I dived into dinner. 45 minutes later he came back in with her on his shoulder and heavily lidded eyes. We plopped her down in front of a little burrito and the promise of a walk to the ice cream store afterwards and she perked up long enough to wolf something down and head out the door.

We ALMOST lost her on the way there. Again the glassy eyes were drooping as we neared the local Gelato place a dozen blocks from our house. But as soon as she saw that they had chocolate she was all over it. Since she doesn't eat sugar very often it tends to turn her into a little spazz. Sure enough as soon as she was done she was climbing all over me, chatting nonstop. I thought it would be a fight to get her home and into bed but she willingly climbed back into the stroller, arranging her 'babies' (two stuffed animals along for the ride) and talking to herself.

For all of 2.32 minutes.

And then she fell asleep.

So asleep that she didn't flinch when the King extracted her from the stroller, carried her upstairs, and put her into her bed.

At 7:30.

The King says he is going to take her to the pool everyday for the rest of the summer.

Sand in the shorts

Last week the family had a mini vacation. Four of us headed south down the valley to Mimi's house. We had a couple days there relaxing, playing at the new-ish super cool playground, and reacquainting ourselves with the Unseen before he heads off (again!) for a summer abroad in Europe. A couple of days later Mimi and Grandad took off on a vacation of their own, and the Bean and I got in the car and headed south and west to a beach on the southern end of the State, leaving the Teen and the King to a few days of male debauchery: soda, juice, ice cream, meat and cable t.v. All the items I try to limit at our house.

The Bean held up fantastically well on the 3+ hr journey by herself in the backseat. We listened to her favorite CD (over and over again), she snoozed, she snacked (granola obsession anyone?), she looked out the window. We made a brief stop at one of my favorite overlooks which has an enormous dune near the parking lot. We spent 15-20 minutes running and sliding and playing in the sand before hitting the road again. Unfortunately, we couldn't leave Pig in the car too long (it was a no dogs area). The Bean was sad to leave - she easily could have spent hours playing there and if we hadn't had another 1-2 hrs further drive I would have obliged.

Our time at the beach was well spent. Friends from afar came to visit, including a wonderful 5 yr old new friend for the Bean. We ate many great meals, spent long hours on the beach in the sun, took naps, drank some great wine, had a nail polish party, read a ton of books, built forts, and in general relaxed to the max.

Ice cream every night: definition of a true vacation.

Polish party!

Mikky reads a new book to the Bean.

The Bean in one of many forts.

The beach was amazing. A long stretch of flat beautiful sand, perfect for castles, pits, and 'cakes'. There were big rocks to explore on either end, caves and tunnels, and various sea creatures, alive and dead. We saw birds galore, crabs, shells, smooth stones, seaweed, star fish, sea urchins, anemones, and a giant, dead, stinky sea lion. The Bean still talks about how it is "not alive anymore" (for some reason I've been shying away from the word 'dead'), and that it "had whiskers", which is not something I pointed out but she picked up on! I'll spare you photos of it . . .

Preparing to make a sand cake.

The whole gang.

Beautiful starfish.

Probably the hardest part of the whole trip beside having to say goodbye was tiring out the damn dog. We had brought his soft frisbee, a toy he hasn't had the opportunity to play with in a loooooong time. He is the ultimate fetch dog and could not get enough of the frisbee, despite the pounds of sand he ended up eating.

Long tongue dog - not yet tired.

But after hours chasing the disc on the beach, going for runs and long walks with various members of our party, and lots and lots of treats we FINALLY wore him out.

Finally! Don't make a move toward the door!

All too soon we had to pack up and leave. Again the Bean did wonderfully on the long car ride home even though by this time she was more than ready to be home. The last night back at Mimi's house was rough, especially since Mimi wasn't there. Though she was happy to see her daddy and her brother the Bean wanted nothing more than to play with her best friend, La Nina, and to sleep in her own bed. I could certainly sympathize!

All in all a great trip, and I hope its not another year before I see my friends again.

Me and the Bean, checking out a rock tunnel.

34 months old

Little Bean,

You just recently turned 34 months old! This month has been marked heavily by your continued high energy level past the 10 p.m. mark. Considering that I go to bed at 10 during the week to meet my 5:30 a.m. wake up call, this not-so-recent development has been rather upsetting to me. I've tried adjusting your bedtime, but considering your father stays up late to relax and practice his bass, and therefore does not wake up until you wake up, means there is no chance of getting you onto an earlier schedule.

So. This means we are on the brink of abandoning the nap. You've been flirting with this idea on your own anyway, so its nothing new. Weekends you may nap only once in 3 days, occassionally missing them during the week. And its not that we put you to bed earlier on those days, its just that you fall asleep MUCH faster.

However, its not that fun either. You are usually SO grumpy, edgy, tempermental, and overly sensitive by the time I get home on no-nap days that your father is fairly flinging you at me (as you run in that direction anyway) and I have to really watch everything I say and do to keep you from tail-spinning to the floor in a sobbing heap.



Luckily, we've learned how to be and act around you and also how to keep you from getting overly tired. Like your father you are very snack dependent. You are always looking for something to munch on, usually fruit, and are loving the season's offerings of plums, cherries, grapes and strawberries. We can monitor all your growth spurts by your appetite. All your life we have seen this pattern of eat eat eat, then eat nothing, then eat eat eat, then eat nothing. The stages last anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. I try not to worry when you don't eat, as I know its a constant cycle that changes quickly, but I'd really like it if during the non-eating times you'd choose healthier snacks than say, 3 plums and a graham cracker.

Fortunately, you have discovered that the sugar snap peas growing in the garden are delicious! I just can't grow them fast enough. But I am especially excited because my own love of vegetables other than carrots began in my grandmother's amazing garden. There is something about picking it right off the plant that seems to make it taste better. Just wait until the cherry tomatoes start growing!

It seems that this Spring you have also begun to lose your fear of bugs. I think I can thank La Nina for this - she who has no fear of anything (except masks - that one makes her run and hide) and picks up and closely examines any living creature she can get her hands around. She terrorized our chickens when they were small, though most of the time she is gentle. But you will now accept a bug if I pick it up, show it to you, and offer it to you and this makes me very happy. You may not be the tomboy I was, but girls that shriek and jump when they see a ladybug really bother me.



Speaking of satisfying your girly-girl side you have a new favorite activity when you go to your cousins house: dress up with the Divine Miss P! For a long time now that girl has fallen prey to the Disney Princess line. Thankfully, she is one to climb trees and play in the mud while wearing a tiara and gown. Dainty she is not! In fact, don't expect to get many dress-up hand me downs Little Bean, they won't survive their current owner!

But when we go to their house you can wear necklaces, clip on earrings, and dresses. She even has little plastic high heeled shoes! And accessories galore: little mirrors, a hair dryer, rings, bows. And everything in pink or purple.



Your vocabulary continues to explode on its monthly exponential curve. I know I've said it before but I am going to say it again here. You just never stop talking. And it's wonderful. I forget sometimes that you are not even three. Your use of language is quite remarkable, as is your diction, and your use of expressions. You mimic us often and your father and I often look at each other with smiles when we hear one or the other of us coming out of your mouth. You LOVE books and tell me this often. Three days after going to the library we have read every book several times. What is most remarkable though is your capacity for remembering them. Plots, pictures, storylines - it's all stored in your fantastic little brain. You get so excited when you go to La Nina's house and discover she has a book from the library that we had three of four months ago.

And you are so SO happy that the weather is warm and dry enough to spend a LOT of time outside running around with your friends. We've taken lots of bike rides, walk every other weekend to the library, explore different playgrounds around the city. La Papa built a small play house in between our yards and you and La Nina spend a lot of time there, pretending it is your house where you sleep, wake up, make breakfast, make your 'beds'. You have snacks there and we often read books there. It is more than just a playhouse though. You often call it a "stage" and act accordingly.



You are more active now than you have ever been. While still a cautious child compared to others you are becoming bolder and braver and more confident every day and with each new experience. You like to run around with the other kids but prefer to assess from the sidelines the rough stuff - wrestling with your brother or grandfather, jumping off a tree stump, running directly through the sprinkler. I watch you watching, can see you trying to figure it all out, and eventually you DO join in, though on your own terms. While I hate to see you missing out on ANYTHING fun I do appreciate that you will not be cajoled into anything.





All this growing has not been without the associated testing-of-the-limits. Bedtime alone has put my patience to the test. There have been a few moments this month where I have lost my cool and yelled, or stayed silent but picked you up quickly with tense anger coming off of me. Not at you per se, but just in frustration. Not that you can tell the difference, poor Little Bean. Both times I felt you jump in shock, then you curled into yourself and into me with your head buried against me but turned away. You could not look me in the face and spoke in single, very quiet words. The fact that I'd caused you such distress immediately diffused the situation and I felt so utterly miserable that we BOTH needed consoling, from each other.

You have such an interesting way of processing these moments my Little Bean. While you get over it quickly you still need to talk about it, which I am thankful for. I don't want you stewing over these frightening moments with me. You talk about them, but you reverse our roles. For example, we'll have the following conversation,

Bean: One time, when you was a little girl you dropped my special paper on the floor and so I grabbed you and scared you and you cried.
Me: Oh, I remember that. Did you holdy me?
Bean: Mmm hmmmm, I did.
Me: And did that make me feel better?
Bean: Yes, I holdy you and you felt muuuuuch better. And then we had a snack and played outside!

And we will have this conversation any number of times, including weeks after the event!

Next week we have a long drive planned to the coast to visit with some old friends and new and I can't wait to see your reactions to all of this. Will you remember my best friend Mikky? Will you want to play with 5-yr old Sara whom you've never met before? Will you enjoy the sand and surf of the cold and windy coast? I think that the enormous bath tub at the place we are renting will make up for any uncertainty.

I hope you always continue to do things your way my Little Bean. Sing your own song, dance to your own drummer, and forever be the light in my life that you are.

All my love,
Mama

scritch scritch scritch

So the Bean has developed a fondness for being scratched. Always at night, while either reading books or after lights out during or after nursing. She wants her arms scratched, her legs, her belly and back, her bottom, everywhere! She will flip over so I can get to a fresh, unscratched spot. She'll wiggle around a bit, as if ticklish, and a few times has even sighed and uttered "oh yeah, that's good".

!

Oh how I laughed.

But I hope this isn't just a phase and instead will be something she lets me do for at least a few years yet. It brings back very good memories of cuddling with my own mother and having my belly rubbed. She has always been into clay and her hands and palms are amazingly soft. And it seems they were always the right temperature - when I was cold they were warm and when I was hot they were nice and cool.

Lovely memories I hope my own daughter has of me someday.