The Wild Nursling

Before I forget

2012-01-19T13:28:00.000-08:00

The Bean has developed an accent! I have no idea where this came from, but it has gotten more pronounced in the past few weeks. She has been pronouncing 'a' as 'aaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh', in an almost southern way. Like "What's thaaaaayut?". I don't want to make her conscious of it, because really who cares? But we can't help but repeat some of her words back to her, it's so darn cute.

Must have something to do with all that bourbon I drank when pregnant . . .

It's November?!

2011-11-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

Not quite back in the saddle, but here is a foot in the stirrup. (Thanks for the kick in the pants Merry). No excuses as to why I haven't posted in so long, so let's just jump right in shall we?

But where to even begin? Year 4 flew by with a whoosh bang and here we are already well into 5. My dear little Bean, you are a magnanimous being trapped into such a small little body. I read a horrible news story recently about a child removed from foster care and rushed to the hospital because she was five years old and 30 pounds and had to stop for a moment and wonder if I should turn myself in. YOU, my dear, have been flirting with the big 3-0 for several months, and I fear at this rate you'll be 15 before you graduate from car seat to the coveted booster. All day long your daddy tries to shove food into you, so we're not quite sure where it is going, except that neither of us will be surprised if one morning we wake up and find you have turned into a plate of scrambled eggs with ham.

Weight aside, your growth in every other way is astounding. Okay, well, except for vertically - you are still a little sprout like your mama, which means I can still carry you around, much to both of our delight. Your language skills have always amazed us. You use big words and quaint expressions - stuff I hear sometimes around our house, but more and more often know are picked up in your ever-increasingly larger outside experience.

This has been a crazy year for our family. Your oldest brother, the Unseen, left just last week for boot camp with the Marines. Though he hasn't lived with us for a number of years, he's never been far or long out of touch. Now he is sequestered somewhere and out of contact for some time, and it is unknown when will see him next or how his experiences will have affected him. And how do we explain this to you? Challenging, to say the least. I wonder what you will remember of this time?

Equally challenging, your other brother, the Teen, has been through a couple of surgeries, the most recent one very major and has him pretty much house bound with daddy becoming 24 hr nurse and all the grown ups fussing and concerned, sleepless, worried, and distracted. This has been hard on everyone, especially an attention-demanding five year old who is constantly shushed mornings so her brother can rest. Your bright and happy spirit, hilarious commentary, and effervescence have been wonderfully therapeutic while his recovery continues. I apologize for hugging you just a little too long and a little too tight though. Your brothers are both so brave, and I pray you are never tested as they have been.

Highlights? This summer you started swimming! Okay, not full on underwater stuff, but you've FINALLY graduated from clinging to the sides or steps, and are dog paddling around by yourself with floaties. We have to give Pop Pop all the credit for this one, because you trusted him like no other in the water this summer, and he pretty much tricked you into figuring out that you CAN do it, and once you realized that I think your face permanently froze into a shit-eating grin of self-pride the rest of the summer.

School? This is your 3rd and final year at your pre-school and for the first time you are attending both extended day AND Fridays. And while you still have those moments of not really wanting to go, and telling us that you don't really like it, I think it has boosted your confidence and independence tremendously. Little things, like going up to your room to get something without needing someone to go with you, or walking to your friends house next door without an escort. Actually, come to think of it, this summer you did a LOT of running out the front door without waiting for a grown up, so I guess we're still finding that balance between confidence and scaring-the-shit-out-of-your-parents. I expect to be working on that balance for the next, oh, 25 years or so?

Did you know that you are constantly singing? Silly things mostly, to make yourself (and us) laugh. Sometimes you just start singing about what you are doing ("putting socks, awaaaaaaaaaaaay! Yeah! gonna play with Nina, todaaaaaaaaaaay! Yeah!"). The rhyming is amazing. Sometimes you just make up a word to get the rhyme in there, but more often than not you DO find the right word at just the right time to sing something that makes sense. I'm going to blame this one on your father, and his incessant silly speak, and I can't tell you how much I love listening to it. From YOU that is, it gets kind of old from him when we are brushing our teeth at night and he's staring at himself in the mirror doing a funny dance . . . His endless capacity for goofiness has made you what you are though, and balances nicely with the flaring temperament you get from your other parent, who shall remain nameless at this time, and hey what's that over there?

You are still a voracious reader (yay!). People are always surprised at the size of the pile of library books we bring home (and I do love those first few evenings after a library trip when we haven't yet figured out what we like or don't like), but we read through them so quickly we are ready for another trip after a week or two.

Perhaps even more exciting is that we are into that stage where you are sounding out words, asking how things are spelled, asking "what does THAT say?". You are constantly challenging yourself, especially when you realize that some of your friends know things you don't. You want so badly to stay apace! Already it is far more effective than my throwing your questions back at you.

Your capacity for imaginative play has also grown dramatically recently, especially over the summer when there was always at least one kid from our street (and often five or six) outside. Sometimes you have very specific play items on your agenda, but more often than not you are willing to go with the flow simply for the sake of play. This can be anything from house and dress up to forts and wars. One evening as we were snuggling in the dark you told me you were going to need coffee grounds and beer for the magic potion you and a few others had been brewing the day before (primarily mud, plants, bugs, and probably other ingredients I'd rather not know about). Then you were going to wake up very early and knock on your fellow potion-brewer's doors so that you could all go out and look for bones. Bones? Bad guy bones, obviously. All that would remain of those who were unfortunate enough to consume the potion.

I am loving every moment of Little Miss Bean's Wild Ride.

Love,

Mama

Sweet 16

2011-04-27T08:26:00.001-07:00

I have been with the King for over 12 years. This number doesn't really have a whole lot of significance to me. What really blows my mind, is that I've known this guy since he was THREE AND A HALF!

And see that incredibly handsome guy on the right? I've known him since he was TEN!

It's enough to make a gal feel kinda old I tell you.

But really what I want to say is: happy happy HAPPY 16th birthday to that Teen in the first photo. May the coming year bring joy and delight, wisdom and experience. We love you!

Easter egg fun 2011

2011-04-26T14:06:00.001-07:00

This was our second year trying natural dyes and I love the process even more. This year I had so many ingredients I wanted to try I ended up having more dye than eggs for, which worked out well for my neighbor who was panicking over having enough time to make dye. She was so grateful to have mine after we were finished she left me a 6 pack on my porch. BEST TRADE EVER.

This year we crammed the egg dipping in post dinner and pre bed, so the eggs sat in dye overnight. Next year I'd like to start early in the day so I can have some come out sooner to get variations in the colors. The clear winer again this year was the shredded purple cabbage, which resulted in a really intense blue. If I had been awake to pull a couple of the eggs out sooner I could have gotten a nice light robin egg blue.

New this year: incorporation of plants and flowers. I had seen photos online and loved the idea, so I sent the King and Bean out to collect interesting specimens while I boiled shredded veggies and spices to make the dye. I also had to purchase some cheap pantyhose, since I don't wear any nor know anyone on my block who does. Gotta love Stumptown. The Bean LOVED wearing them, despite their enormity on her, which made for some great prancing around the kitchen. The pantyhose were actually used to hold the plant parts in place while still allowing the dye to color the eggs. Here are some of our results:

Dyeing eggs in pantyhose.

Little egg packages, ready to be dyed.

Blue (purple cabbage) with dandelion.

Red/Pink (beets) with leaves.

Grey (red zinger tea) with plant; yellow (tumeric/cumin) with crayon; orange (yellow onion skin/red chili powder) with cedar needle cluster.

Red (beets) with dandelion, pink (less time in beets) with crayon.

Peeling an egg.

A fool for you

2011-04-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today was a rare, sunny, warm Spring day and finally dry enough to pour some concrete. We've been planning to make a stepping stone / paver for the Bean and friends to sit on inside her garden teepee for awhile, and today we finally had the chance to do it. The Bean, La Niña, and I sorted our huge collection of bottle caps into like colors, while the King mixed and poured the concrete into the form he had prepared. Then we all set to decorating it with the Bean's special symbol. When it's dry we can heave it into the teepee. Speaking of which, a few peas have sprouted! Unfortunately, the area has been ravaged a few times by some free and far ranging chickens, and it's a bit too late in the year to start over, so we'll see what actually comes up. If the peas don't make, we'll thicken up the teepee walls with gourds and sunflowers. But for now, the paver!

I think it came out pretty well, don't you?

Bean's first joke

2011-03-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

Bean: Mama, how do you make a bird call?

Me (confused, since this was totally unexpected): I don't know, how?

Bean, cupping her mouths to her hands and shouting: Calling all birds! Calling all birds!

Then we both collapse in side-splitting guffaws.

4 years, 6 months

2011-03-01T11:23:00.001-08:00

My dear little Bean,

I can hardly call you little anymore as you are now more than half my height and gaining rapidly. You must be in a stretching out period at the moment, as you are eating lots (dinner even!) and yet STILL only 28 lbs. We're not sure what we are going to do when you grow too tall for your car seat, which is coming up fast, as the minimum weight for a booster seat is 40 lbs! If you weren't so long I could even still carry you around on the front of my bike, something you and I both adored when you were a toddler. As it is the bike trailer is no sweat to haul around, except when you insist on bringing all those rocks and sticks home that you find on our various adventures.

So what's new/old? Some time ago you started this thing where you will sing the title to chapter or book that we are reading. It always starts low and ends high, as if you were vocalizing an announcement or introduction of sorts. Sometimes you forget to do it, and then there is this awkward pause as I wait to see if you remember, lest I interrupt you. So amusing!

You are such a visual person dear, just like your father. While we continue to move to ever longer and more complicated books, chapter books even, too many imageless pages makes you restless, fidgety, and often you will try to turn pages I am still reading if you sense an upcoming illustration. Any small drawing will satisfy you though, giving your eyes enough to accompany the filling of your ears and prodding your imagination to finally flow.

Family time is important to you. Whereas previously you could care less if your father came and went you now are distressed by his leaving. You like us all to be together and I can't say I blame you, we do not get out and do things together as a family often enough. You have a goodbye routine too. You must say (and hear back) "Bye! Adios! Ciao! See you later alligator! Bueños noches! I love you! Te amo!" etc. And even after you've said it as the person leaving departs, once the door closes you will run after them in a panic yelling "WAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!" and say it all over again. It can take half an hour for your poor father to get into the car sometimes.

You love to plant seeds! This year we made a childs garden teepee for you and on Presidents Day weekend you and I faithfully planted some snow peas. Then in snowed. And now it is raining like the second coming of the Ark. Good thing we have two dogs and four chickens. The aging cat, bless him, your father could do without. I have some sugar snap pea seeds waiting for the next break in the weather, which I think we'll plant as a backup. And anything that doesn't come up just leaves space for the gourds and wildflowers I want to plant there. But what I love best is your slow, methodical planting style, dropping each seed into the holes I poked in the soil, then lightly covering them with the edge of your little finger. Then later watering each space with your pink watering can and talking to the seeds, asking them to wake up and stretch their way into the sun. Let's hope the sun heard you too, and visits us again sometime soon.

Sleeping update? Well, you love your room and your nook, thankfully. Still, you do no like to sleep alone, so I almost always stay with you until you are too sleepy to really protest too much. And once you wake in the wee hours and come into our room I swap places with you and get to sleep all by myself in the pink princess room I never had (or wanted, gah!) when I was a child (sorry, mom). I often wake in the night not knowing where I am, but at least you are getting a full nights rest which is so important to your mood, patience, and well being (and by default, all the rest of the family).

You are still timid on fast moving things. You have not really wanted to get back on the two-wheeler-with-training-wheels, nor do you spend much time on the Skuut, even when you request to ride it. If kids are out on bikes you will ride your trike for a bit, then get on your feet and run back and forth. You did enjoy your brothers skateboard, and it would be super cool if that were your first true love-on-wheels. It'd be much easier then to get you on a snowboard. Your little friend A from pre-school has had a ski lesson, and now you are clamoring for one too but I can already picture how that would go: first I'd plunk down $100+ for rentals, lift ticket, lesson, gas, etc. Then you'd get on the skiis, slide two inches, and immediately ask to stop and refuse to try again for at least another two years. So yeah, let's stick with sledding a couple of times a year before we try that adventure.

Did you know you still love to help? You jump when someone needs something you know you can reach. You still like to make coffee (thanks GOD) and feed our dog, Pig (the other dog, Chicken, is our responsibility, merely because her food sits in the higher bin). You even like to do dishes with me sometimes, as long as I am not in a rush and let you play with cups and containers and bubbles. Oddly enough, you don't like bubble baths, though you love to swim in the tub and to wash me on those rare occasions I get in the tub with you (I like my baths HOT).

I love that you are so flexible with getting dressed (other than joyfully running around the room screeching when you are nekkid) and affectionate and easy going. Your father and I have noticed that you are very flexible in general, and this shows through the most when you play with your cousin, Q. Whereas other of your friends can really put their foot down (and hence start an argument) when they don't want to play ANY of the things you suggest (and you come up with some really fantastic ideas), Q will run with almost any plan, as will you with one of his story lines, and hence the two of you can occupy each other for hours, leaving older cousin P to engage in a 2 hr long game of Uno with the grown ups. I love play dates with your cousins.

Little Bean, parenting you continues to be one of the greatest joys of my life.

Love, Mama

First haircut

2010-11-15T11:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this "first" is WAY overdue, but previously the Bean just didn't like the idea. She was very concerned about the idea of a haircut and every time I mentioned it she made me promise to only cut about 1/4" inch off.

Fast forward a few months of me talking about it A LOT, and numerous post bath hair combings through nasty knots of clumped split ends and she was ready. With very specific instructions: "Cut it just like La Niña's, with a ribbon barrette behind my ear." Mmm-hmmm.

She was SUPER excited to have our neighbor cut it for her (as was I, since I don't have the greatest reputation for scissors meets hair).

We just did a trim though. I really like it long-ish on her and have never been a huge fan of bangs. There was only one moment of nervousness on her part. Right before we started she asked if it would hurt! She managed to stay very still, though every time a lock of hair was pulled straight to trim she tilted her head in that direction. I finally had to put down my camera and help put her head straight, or that would have been one funky style for sure.

So without further a-do (yep, bad pun intended):

BEFORE:

AFTER:

DURING:

DANCING:

(at least she got her behind the ear bow)

And just for fun:

Bean things

2010-10-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

My dear, you are stunning.

Recent things I love:

When you walk into bright sunlight you sneeze a couple of times, just like your daddy.

When you are playing by yourself, or laying in your bed at night and using your imagination, your characters talk in this small little high pitched voice, in the exact same voice your brother the Teen used at this age. I wish I had a recording of him doing it. I am grateful for the reminder to record you.

You are as bossy and demanding as ever, and it is still really cute and annoying at the same time. You are definitely a woman of my lineage, and while I am so proud of you for standing up for what you want, I am also already feeling some sympathy for all your future partners. You'll get away with it though, because you are so amazing.

You are still extremely independent. While we still can't make coffee or feed the dogs without your permission (and you usually sigh, put down what you are doing, and exasperatedly say "I'll do it!"), I can sometimes get away with putting toothpaste on your toothbrush without you throwing a mighty shit fit. That's about it though.

Your resilience is incredible. You take your own bandaids off now, whereas a few months ago removing said sticky thing was a heinously traumatic event. Not to mention all the vitamins, nose sprays, probiotics, etc. we have you on now in our naturopathic attempt to avoid surgery to have your tonsils removed. Hopefully not in vain. Seriously though, I thought the nose spray was going to be a huge epic battle. But I simply offered you a couple of chocolate chips, one for each nostril, and you endure this three times a day. At the end of a two week period we go for ice cream and this helps too. Why then, is getting your teeth brushed like wrestling a warty pig on crack?

Sometime this summer you started writing letters. It's not something we ever tried to enforce upon you, though of course we encourage the natural curiosity. But one day you just started copying what you've seen around the house and viola! You can write your name, albeit backwards most of the time, preferring to start on the right side of the page, plus a handful of other letters. You can do L, J, E, O, N, A, H, T, I, P, a crude M, and if you thought about it you could probably do F and R. Actually, we talked about how R was just P with an extra leg. I think figuring those kinds of things out excites you, like finding a puzzle piece you thought was lost.

Finally, after having graduated from a crawl to two feet a bunch of years ago, you have discovered the joy of running. It doesn't happen often, my lazy little apple that didn't fall far (falling is not something you enjoy), but once in awhile you just go. Your limits of self preservation were broadened this summer, after daddy scared the shit out of you (not intentionally) and you leapt from something that previously you would have cautiously lowered yourself from at the playground near our house. I don't think we'll ever forget that look on your face, first the fear he was going to "get you" and the realization that you COULD jump from that height, land on your feet, and run away without first breaking every bone in your body. Couple that with all the climbing and tumbling on the mats at the dojo during judo and suddenly you decided that you LOVED to jump from greater and greater heights. To test your boundaries on climbing and reaching and exploring. You are not quite keeping up with the boys on our block - you prefer to stay on your feet when they are racing bikes and scooters for example - but you are pushing your own limits and boundaries, and that is what I love best.

Books books books. You are still an avid reader and I am so thankful. We used to hold on to a pile of books and read them over and over for three weeks or so. Now you are ready for new ones just about every week. The day we bring home a new stack is almost a treat. We sit outside in a sunny spot, or curl up in front of the fire, and read three or four right away. Some you prefer to save for bedtime. We've started some chapter books, though sometimes you forget from one day to the next what happened in the story previously. Or at least, you have a hard time articulating. But it's nice to move on from picture books, to have you lay there and let your eyes wander as you listen and get absorbed. I have such happy memories of practically eating books, and I can't wait to share my favorites with you (I'm looking at you James and the Giant Peach that was given to me for my 6th birthday).

School. Sigh. I was really, REALLY hoping that you would love it by now. And I think you do enjoy it a lot while you are there. But when you talk about school you just use phrases like "BORING!" while rolling your eyes, or call it "Work! Work! Work!". You say the only things you like about school are snack work, the playground, and lunch. And stories and songs (sometimes). And yet, my dear, you don't realize that this constitutes about 75% of the time you are there. So your father and I are trying to make an effort to change our language when we talk about OUR work, to see if that ends up making a difference in how YOU think about your work, and school. Your brothers, of course, are no help.

There are probably a million more things I should add, and I'll probably remember them all on my way home from work tonight, and then forget them again when I walk in the door and see your sweet face. And I mean sweet, because it's almost always covered in some kind of fruit smear.

All my love,
Mama

Little stories

2010-08-31T16:18:00.000-07:00

This post will contain a variety of photos from the past couple of weeks.

First, these two have been playing a lot together, sometimes successfully, other times not so much:

At least they aren't shrieking at each other as much . . .

Next up, the Bean turned 4 near the beginning of the month and one of the fabulous presents she received was a butterfly hatching kit from Auntie S Two Babies. There were 5 caterpillars in a little container when we went to the coast for the weekend and when we returned they were in chrysalis. A week later one hatched and the next day they all hatched! It was fun to watch them do their thing and though I wasn't there for the official release party the King assured me it was quite delightful.

Swim lessons have been going well:

And we've had our first harvests of various items from the garden:

Our Australorp chicken, Frito, decided to lay an enormous egg one day:

Sadly, though it was a double yoker, it contained some weird reddish brownish colored stuff that I didn't trust, so we tossed it. She seems to be okay after laying such an enormous egg, but she hasn't laid one since, so we're kind of in the wait and see what happens mode. Light and weather here has been up and down, so we're not sure what's going on with any of the chickens right now in terms of egg production. They seem happy enough!

And we finally got the Bean on a real live train. We rode in a train car built in 1910 through some of our famous local orchards, through beautiful forests, along a glacial fed river, to a little town near the base of "Mountain Hood". We got out to stretch our legs, have a picnic in the park, poke around the hokey little dusty museum, and of course, eat some ice cream before the return trip. Though we had to get up early and put in a lot of driving, she LOVED it.

Bean 48 months

2010-08-09T10:26:00.001-07:00

This is the second cutest thing ever:

And this is the first:

Why yes, that is a mini drum set a certain four year old got for her birthday. And yes, those are mini pink drumsticks she is holding. And yes, we are the most awesome parents EVER, thank you very much.

I will post more photos of the fantastic birthday party we had later, after I get a chance to go through them, but I'd like to point out here and now that said four year old party girl passed out cold last night at 9:30 p.m. and slept in this morning until 10:30 a.m.

She has already told us that her first band shall be called "Super Child".

Rock on little Bean, rock on.

Screech and the Wild Thing

2010-07-27T07:57:00.001-07:00

This is the adorable boy across the street who is about 4 months older than the Bean (and probably twice her size). The two really enjoy playing together and are always very excited to see each other, standing on opposite sides of the street screaming excitedly "HEY! WANT TO COME OVER? I'LL ASK MY MOM!". They are downright GIDDY in their excitement to play with each other. [Sidenote: he has this awesome, big kiddie pool with a built in slide AND his parents had a hot water tap added to their hose connection, so they can fill the pool with warm water. I am totally encouraging the Bean to ask him to prom.]

So anyway, once these two get together it usually takes all of about four minutes before they are screeching at each other. And I don't mean screeching four-year-old insults. I mean, just SCREECHING. It is surprisingly similar to this.

Anyway, despite the constant bickering, these two little wombats can't stop playing with each other. The other day as he was headed indoors and we were about to cross the street back to our house he called fondly from his door "goodbye poopy butt!". And though he meant it in the most endearing terms the Bean took it very personally, her head instantly erupting into red hot flames and laser beams of death shooting out of her eyes as she screamed at the top of her lungs back at him "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M NEVER EVER PLAYING WITH YOU EVER AGAIN EVER!!". Then she turned to me and very sweetly and politely asked "Mama, can we play with him again tomorrow?".

These kids.

Yesterday the two were playing, some screeching erupted, and he ran inside his house, slamming the door. A few moments later he poked his head out and said to the Bean, "I love you, but I just don't want to play with you right now." To which she responded "I love you too, but I don't want to play with you either." Then he came out and they started all over again with the giggling and running around.

Match made in heaven if you ask me.

The muppet in my house

2010-07-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

If you grew up in the 70's or 80's then likely you remember this little beastie:

Well she happens to be living with me right now. Oh the tantrums, the howls, the hair. I mentioned the tantrums right? Bean, we really should have named you Fizzgig.

So, a couple of weeks ago we began a remodel project that emptied our upstairs (our bedroom) and parked us in the little room on the main floor, just off the kitchen. Last night the King and I decided that this was a good time to start transitioning the Bean to falling asleep on her own, without me laying down with her or (on those nights when I couldn't take it anymore) he held her until she fell asleep on his shoulder. And it's only night two but you know what? It's working out okay. Two things help: first, we are okay with her not actually falling asleep until 10; and second, we knew what we were getting into and we are prepared to spend a few weeks doing it (dear god please let it be only a few weeks).

So yeah, she isn't falling asleep until 10. But at least I can be DOING stuff while she is trying to fall asleep. So far she's done a good job of at least staying put (or being easily led back to bed) and just talking to us from a laying down position. The first night she could see me, cleaning the oven no less, and it bored her so much she fell asleep pretty quickly. Actually, so did I. Tonight she hears me on the computer, which is probably way too enticing but hey, the oven is clean enough and I'm not likely to repeat THAT again any time soon, at least not this decade.

This has been a really odd spring and summer, weather wise. We had our usual bout of warmish weather in February, and then again a bit later and things started to take off. Then it got cold and wet and all the gardens were put on hold. Then we had one week of hot, typical summer weather and tomatoes everywhere rejoiced. Then it got coolish again with overcast mornings, more typical of late August or September. So gardens everywhere have not been doing well. Our pea pods did great, and are already done. As usual I planted a zillion tomatoes and there are rogue squash coming up everywhere from spreading the compost pile around. It looks good, but unless it gets hot and stays hot for awhile I''m not sure the plants will make it.

However, when the tomato season has passed I will have a bathroom in the upstairs of my house, not to mention real working overhead lights, and insulation, so I guess I can sacrifice some tomatoes (you see the connection, right?).

Hmmm, maybe its time to clean out the fridge.

Jammin'

2010-06-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

On Friday I got together with two of my neighbors (L, La Mama), and a handful of kids (Bean, La Niña, Itty Bitty, Ay) and we turned 3 1/2 flats of uber ripe, ruby red, local, organically grown Hood strawberries into 57 half pints of jam. Yep, that's right, 57 half pints. I remember at one point in the process I turned to L and asked,

Me: Have you been keeping track of how many we've done so far?

L: Yep, we're up to 17 or 18.

Me: Hmmm, 18 divided by 3 is 6 jars per person. I guess that's pretty good!

L: No, that's 17 or 18 jars EACH.

It was pretty awesome. The three of us have canned tomatoes together in the past, and La Mama and I did peach jam last year, but this was an unheralded production. While we rotated jobs for a bit we kind of fell into a routine of me on stem removal (the berries were so ripe the stems simply pulled out leaving 99.9% of the berry, much better than cutting the tops off!), La Mama on jar sterilizing and running the water bath canner, and L on pretty much everything else including filling jars, wiping the rims, and putting on lids. And all the while we were corralling kids as well: feeding them, refereeing, keeping them in earshot and eyesight. They did remarkably well together considering they had to basically manage their own play for 5 or 6 hours.

Of our 57 half pints we flavored 32 with honey and 25 with sugar. I haven't had a chance to do a taste test yet but L's family couldn't resist launching into the jars as soon as they cooled and reported that while the sugar jam is fabulous, the honey jam is divine and edged out the other by a small margin.

Either way, looks like we're set with strawberry jam through the winter! Next up raspberry, then blackberry. I still have a few jars of peach left from last year so I'm probably going to skip it this year and just make quarts of canned peaches. We had too few of those last year and they were gone by November. Nothing like canned peaches on ice cream in February to remind you that you CAN make it through another Pacific Northwest winter.

I love strawberry season!

The crew, hard at work.

La Mama and L

Like little red jewels, these berries were as dark on the inside as they were on the outside.

Mashed into liquid heaven.

First round of filling jars.

A little messy, but nothing a few 3-year old fingers couldn't handle.

Taste testers, cleaning the first pot.

A jam of their own!

Honey sweetened goodness.

Little Chef

2010-06-10T22:07:00.001-07:00

She cooked a whole "meal" for me making some variation of this face.

Beanisms

2010-06-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

Your socks have to fit just right. If they don't, then you say that they are arguing with your feet. Sometimes they get fixed but more often than not they just come off.

When one of your feet falls asleep you say it is "sparkling".

You recently learned how to play Crazy Eights but you call it Crazy Eggs. So now we do too.

Recent favorite insults "stupid driver", "garlic head", "stink bug".

You like asparagus! But not the very tips. And you eat more if daddy pretends you are a giant.

Last week you had to be sedated to have two cavities filled. :-( I didn't like it AT ALL but you did great. You HATED the feeling of your numb lip when you woke up, and haven't much enjoyed the decreased sugar and increased amount of flossing and brushing but are going with it pretty well.

Mom Mom came out to help me with the above. You spent FOUR NIGHTS in a row sleeping in your own little room at her place! It's such a cozy spot, I'd like to sleep there too. Only drawback is the skylight above the bed that was getting you up at 6, but Mom Mom enjoyed having you all to herself to read books, eat melon, and yuk it up.

Round about Mothers Day your daddy and I took you to the Saturday Market on the waterfront. We traveled by bus and Max (above ground subway like train) and you were very excited! We've taken the Max one time since then and you feel you are an expert now.

Bedtime story

2010-04-27T13:08:00.001-07:00

Scene: Laying in the dark after racing to see who could get into her bed first (she always wins!).

Bean: Let's tell a story Mama.
Me (thinking it would be Goldilocks because she ALWAYS wants to hear Goldilocks when laying in the dark. Maybe because it's the only one I can ever remember when I'm that tired): Okay, what shall we tell?
Bean: Once upon a time there was a poopy. And it smelled a flower and turned into a fart. Then the fart turned into a flower. The End.
Me, trying not to giggle burst: That's a wonderful story! Your daddy will REALLY love that story!
Bean: Uh-huh.

We lay there awhile, holding hands. The Bean has been very tired most of the evening. Suddenly she drops my hand and rolls away from me. Then she rolls back quickly for a second and says: I can't hold hands with you right now. I'm sorry.

And rolls back to the wall and falls promptly and deeply asleep.

Riding the range, uh, fridge.

2010-04-21T15:38:00.000-07:00

She LOVES to do this. Of course, the Teen reminds me that this is how he broke our last fridge . . .

Easter eggs with natural dye

2010-04-04T19:11:00.001-07:00

La Mama, La Nina, the Bean, and I dyed eggs on Friday! We used yellow onion skins (bright orange eggs), red onion skins (deep rust red color), purple cabbage (intense blue which two days later became mottled blue and green), tumeric powder (bright yellow on white eggs, dark yellow on brown eggs), beets (the only ones that didn't really come out - they just looked grey), and a mix of tumeric and purple cabbage (made bright green eggs). I was so impressed with the colors, I will never use store bought dye.

Check them out!

Catching up

2010-03-29T13:16:00.001-07:00

Oh my Little Bean. There is so much to say and record and so little time and space to do it in.

Note to self though: peanut gynee

Moving on - I never cease to be amazed at how astute you are, even at a mere 3 1/2 years old. For example, we don't really do t.v. with you right now. It's a big issue for me and I've been fairly successful at not having you plugged in. Your dad has allowed you to watch 10-30 minutes of various kid friendly shows on the computer (Dragon Tales mostly, sometimes Arthur or some new PBS shows like Words World). I try not to make a big deal out of t.v. so you won't obsess over it, but I don't really like you watching it. So I finally decided just to talk to you about it - about how it is one toy in the toy box just like your doll house or pretend stove. I pointed out how you like those things, and play with them often, but not every day. You looked me in the eye and pointed out "but Mama, I don't watch t.v. on the weekends when I'm with you. So I don't watch it every day."

Shut me down right quickly you did. Damn I'm losing my touch already.

Here are some things for me to remember:

1) At dinner the other night you mentioned a boy you know from your preschool. You said "That ________, he is a miracle all right!" (where in the world did you pick this up from?).

2) We still share a room with your bed right next to ours. The general rule of thumb is that if its a school night, or a night where mama has work the next morning, then you go to sleep in your bed. On weekend nights (we both have Fridays off so this includes Thursdays) you can fall asleep in the big bed and when I come to bed I move you into your bed. The nights you fall asleep in my bed are both wonderful and cause for guilt. Our room is so cold in the winter time that it seems a crime to move you from your warm spot into a cold bed. In fact some nights I'll lay in your bed for a few minutes to try to warm it up a bit before moving you. This probably seems ridiculous to anyone reading this who hasn't already done this for their own kid. Really I'm just setting you up for guilt trips down the road. Anyway, seeing as you are more than half my height I can't just simply lift your messy tangle of arms, legs, and curly hair from one place to another. I have to roll you over me without waking you all the way up. This used to be a difficult and amusing process but we've both got it down now to where when you feel me start to move you, you simply throw your arms around my neck and go with the flow. This is so so so so sweet. Not to mention I get to crawl into a super warm spot in my bed. Except for down by my feet. I need you to work on that.

3) I recently went to visit Mikky by myself. I was gone from Thursday afternoon to Tuesday evening. You had Monday off from school, so daddy took you to Mimi's house on Saturday and stayed until Monday morning. Then back at home he went to a show Monday night leaving you with Mimi. This was the first time you have been put to bed by someone other than your parents (and even your daddy doesn't put you to bed that often because its our thing) and it was at the end of a long time without me. You held up fairly well, but the separation was hard on ALL of us and while I certainly had an amazing time I don't plan on going anywhere without you again for a long long time.

4) When Mom Mom and Pop Pop were here last (a very short trip of just a few days back at the beginning of March) you spent the night with them - your very first sleepover! I was there to get you to sleep, and the list of "what ifs" that I gave to your grandparents went on for about half an hour. I don't think they slept well that night and probably checked on you every couple of hours. I didn't sleep well either, what with a phone in each hand just in case. You, however, slept through the night without moving (long day with your Ptown cousins) and when you woke up before them you simply got up and started playing with some toys! I love when unexpected good things happen.

5) "Don't you think that's a good idea?"

6) Your favorite CD right now is Free To Be You and Me, which is kind of fun because both your father and I grew up with it. I think you fell in love with it because its pink, and then you found out you liked the songs on it too. However, we are about ready to chuck it due to the number of times we've had to listen to it. Your daddy has never really liked the song "William wants a doll" for reasons you'll understand by the time you read this, and both of us are a bit creeped out by "Girl Land".

Two things are very amusing though. First is the way you SHOUT the chorus when it comes back in at the end of the first song and at the very end of the CD. Both your father and maternal grandfather are known for their horrible singing voices and my dear, I'm afraid you've inherited both. Still adorable though.

Second, you REFUSE to call it "Free To Be You and Me". For some reason you heard it as "Afraid To Be You and Me" and that is the ONLY way you will pronounce it. Woe be to he or she (and usually me) that tries to correct you. Your misinterpretation is a direct contradiction to the whole purpose of this free spirited 1970's album!

7) You LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to be scratched. On the arms, the legs, your little round belly, sometimes your back. "I'm itchy mama" you'll say while pulling up your sleeve. But you don't like long, leisurely, light scratches. You want to be scratched as if you had an itch - short, hard little scratches all over. "Aaaaaaaaaaaah" you say.

You are growing too quickly little one. Daddy says we should just put you in a shoebox so you stay little forever. To this you say "nooooooooooo dadda, I HAVE to grow!". Your brothers are a good reminder of how quickly children become adults, and how awesome and awe-inspiring those adults can be.

But we are not ready. Nowhere NEAR ready. And thankfully, our battles can still be about whether or not to put on a coat when we go outside, and our greatest joys can be an unplanned trip to the ice cream store on a random rainy spring afternoon. Or jumping on the bed.

All my love,
Mama

Softie

2010-02-21T20:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the Bean had a date with her daddy. They went to see a play together (first time he's gone with her) at a pretty fancy theater downtown. He dressed in his suit, she in her fancy pink dress with Hello Kitty tights, shiny black shoes with "heels", pig tails. They were probably the fanciest dressed couple at the theater.

After finding their seats she decided she needed to use the bathroom before the show started so he walked down the wide stairs holding her hand. From below he could hear the "awwww's . . ." and "how cute!"s from below as he escorted her. What he didn't expect was that he'd get all teary thinking that one day he might do a similar walk down an aisle with her.

But the best part? He got all teary AGAIN just telling me this story last night.

I wish I had a photo that did it justice.

Garden gnome returns

2010-02-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

It's been a weird January. Usually Feb is the hardest month around here. There are NO leaves on the trees and everything is super saturated and grey. But that's okay because its the shortest month and at the end the fragrant Daphne bushes start to bloom all over the city, followed closely by March cherry trees and then Spring REALLY kicks in and the city is a colorful riot. Rainy still, but a helluva lot prettier.

Well this year, the treeless gloom descended in late December. And January has been unusually warm thanks to La Niña. The cyclical weather trend, not our sweet little next door neighbor. Plants are starting to bud out already and the time for getting trees and bushes into the ground is NOW (not to mention pruning, which I am way behind on).

Yesterday, the last day of January, was one of those warmish days and a good day for me to get some new plants into the ground. The Bean was definitely wanting to be outside and I managed to get about 1/2 an hour of "help" out of her before she was rescued by the neighborhood kids and ran off to play. The little bit she was able to do though included helping me dig a hole to plant our new Dwarf Empress peach tree. This little beauty is supposed to top out at 4-5 feet tall, about as tall as I am, with plentiful fruit. Don't know how it will do in our little yard but if it bears even one or two peaches a year I'll be happy, especially if the blooms are bee, butterfly, or hummingbird attractors.

I told the Bean the peaches would ripen around her birthday and so she decided that she would pick the peach, wrap it, sing Happy Birthday to it, and then upwrap and eat it. A fitting ceremony for an Empress methinks.

Shenanigans

2010-01-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

The other day when I got home from work and walked in the door the house was strangely quiet. No little booger came running out to great me, no little imp jumped up from an obvious hiding spot to yell "boo!". No curly-headed little Bean looked up from an art project, or her shiny new red play stove to say "look what I made! Want to play with me mama?"

Nope, it was eerily silent.

"Oh no" I thought, "this can't be good."

Out of the kitchen walks the King, holding his hands up and shrugging his shoulders, as if to say "there was nothing I could do."

"Oh no" I said, "please don't tell me she fell asleep." Because a nap these days, especially one in the 5 o'clock hour, means a very late bed time and NO time for this working mama to unwind at the end of the day. And we had been doing SO well recently with the 7:30 brush teeth / 8:30 asleep schedule.

I hung my head and sighed.

"Where is she? I've got to get her up."

He pointed to the back room and followed me in. There she was all curled up on the futon couch, tucked under a blanket and looking so ridiculously sweet, as only a sleeping child can.

I leaned in to smooch that smooth little cheek . . . when all of a sudden she erupts from the covers with a mad little gleam in her eye, a big fat grin on her face, does a little dance and starts to giggle uncontrollably while her evil scheming daddy laughs and yells "SURPRISE!".

"We got you mama! We got you!" I hear over and over for the next half hour.

End of an era

2010-01-05T07:30:00.001-08:00

Well my little Bean, we made it to 3 yrs, 4 months, and 4 weeks, much longer than I ever dreamed. It may not have been a completely mutual decision, but it was time. On to other things!

Beanisms

2009-11-17T07:45:00.001-08:00

Holy crap the last time I posted was September? Where does it go?

Little Bean, we're back into the cold dark months and you aren't too happy about it, though you are taking it in stride. Whereas in the summer there is always a kid or two from our street out and about and ready to play, these days we hardly see any of our neighbors. We're all huddled indoors and rediscovering our toys and books. I forsee lots of indoor playdates in our future.

I haven't written anything about our trip to Hawaii to see Mom Mom and Pop Pop a few months back, the fact that you and I survived an almost 6 hour plane ride in each direction armed with nothing more than a backpack full of books, lots of snacks, and a couple of new toys. I won't tell anyone that you didn't really like the beach, but I'll tell everyone about the amazing foods we both loved and the fact that you had shave ice almost every day.

Now it's December and Mom Mom and Pop Pop have come and gone. They were in our house all of five minutes when you told me that I could go do errands with daddy and you could stay with your grandparents. I'm surprised you didn't just hand me my keys and a hat and say "GO AWAY." I am thrilled you adore your grandparents so much. You really do thrive under the attention of a doting adult.

Recently an old friend passed through with her family. Unfortunately, she couldn't stay more than a few hours, enough to have dinner and a glass of wine. I spent a few days prepping you for the arrival of these friends you had never met, including the idea that their 3 year old boy might want to play with some of your toys. You were very reluctant about this and at one point put your head down on your arms at the table and cried "I don't want that boy to come, I just want to play with the grown ups!". Well, it took about three and a half minutes after that boy's arrival for you and he to decide that grown ups didn't exist anymore and you were off in your own little world. I'm thinking its a mixture of new found confidence from school adventures and the fact that you were in your own home, able to show off your own cool toys and books, that had you so excited and expressive.

So yeah, you've been in school for a couple of months now and it's all been two steps forward and one step back. Some days you go right in without a look back and some days they've had to pull you off your daddy kicking and screaming and crying. And while those feelings never last long and you seem to get into the swing of things 5-10 minutes after daddy has left, those feelings persist for us all day long. We've gone round and round over whether or not we've done the right thing, or whether or not you are in the right school, etc. But you love your teachers, adore them, and they genuinely feel that you are doing well there. So for now we will stick with it, but we've decided that on days you are just really down we are not going to push it and will allow you to stay home. Now you may think that it would be easy to just turn on an act when you don't feel like going. But don't forget daddy has had two boys already and is now an expert at finding the fake.

Beanisms:

- You love to make up silly songs and dances and are amazingly good at it. Most of your songs are half nonsense words and half recognizable English, but all of it is entertaining.

- You have taken to sucking on your fingers, one or two at a time. It is mostly an unconscious act, like thumb sucking, but it is interesting that you've come to it so late. It wouldn't bother me at all, except that its cold and flu season and there is that nasty little swine flu virus going around.

- When you hurt yourself in some way, or get really upset about something, you cry and say "I'm NOT going to do anything!" or "I'm NOT going to school tomorrow". I'm not really sure how this comforts you. Maybe since an injustice happened to you, you feel the need to serve an injustice yourself? Does that even make sense? Whatever, it certainly is cute.

- You love to skip, to hop, to stand on one foot, to run around the loop of our house (and your cousins'). You still don't like too much noise or commotion, probably the main thing keeping you from enjoying yourself at school.

- You are quite the song singer and have this amazing capacity for memorizing songs. I've heard so many new songs the last couple of months that you've learned at school! That last CD you picked out at the library? You have memorized more than half of them, which shows not only your prowess for storing and retrieving lyrics, but also how many times we've listened to it in teh past few weeks . . . You also love to make up your own songs, half really random words and half jibberish. It is a welcome addition to our musical family although you get somewhat irate if anyone dares to try to accompany you.

- Current favorite food = burritos. You and your daddy can easily consume a tub of sour cream between you.

New things:

- You helped me and Mom Mom dye pape! First of hopefully many years to come. You love art projects, have your own art box with scissors and pencils and glitter glue. You are very adept at cutting and sometimes just like to cut small pieces of paper into tiny little pieces.

- You are eating more vegetables, much to my delight, though you remain largely a fruit bat, sucking up anything sweet and juicy. You've been loving apple season, and are very excited about the arrival of citrus season. Those little satsumas don't stand a chance beneath your adept little fingers. You miss corn on the cob, and fresh berries, but are okay with the gallons of frozen berries we still have from picking so much last summer.

- You have discovered Amelia Bedelia, thanks to Mom Mom, and are picking up some hilarious phrases such as "I plumb forgot!" and "a pinch of this and a bit of that" when we do some baking.

There is so much more that I know I am forgetting. I know I need to update more regularly, for all our sakes.

Amusement

2009-09-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

All summer long I've been promising the Bean I'd take her to the amusement park near our house. We've ridden our bike past it and she's seen the Ferris Wheel and the roller coaster and the kids yelling and has been very curious. Well this is the last weekend they are open until next summer so off we went!

They have a number of small kid friendly rides, some to be done with an adult and some just for them. Plenty of those "you must be this tall to go on this ride" signs. Those plagued me as a short kid in school.

Anyway:

Not so sure about the first ride - the Carousel. We only did this once.

Riding in a little air plane - all by herself!

Fun with mirrors.

Self portrait on the Ferris Wheel. The first time we approached it she thought it was too high. But 10 minutes later she wanted to get on it. She had a great time!

Ice cream break!

She liked the little cars.

We were there almost four hours. I finally had to call it and we got back on the bike to ride the 10 blocks home. It took all of about 45 seconds for her to fall asleep. A good end to a great day.

Never time enough

2009-09-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am so way behind. I am feeling overwhelmed by my life recently. Like there are so many things that need my attention that I am drowning in just keeping up.

All that aside (because I'm sure everyone is all "yeah yeah yeah, join the club sister"), here are some thoughts/observations I wanted to get down.

Today is the last day that the Bean is unschooled. Tomorrow she begins preschool and forever after she will only be on vacation from school. I have very mixed feelings about this. For one, I am excited for her to go because I think she will like it. Its also important for her to be around other kids, not to mention the King could use the time.

But I also agonize over, well, everything having to do with school. Did we choose the right school, is she really ready for school, does she need to go to preschool at all, why can't I stay home and home school/unschool her? In a perfect world, one where I never had to work another day in my life, that would be the option I think I'd be the most interested in researching and pursuing. But since I'm not financially independent, I will try not to torture myself thinking about it too much.

Anyway, Bean, I hope daddy takes you to have ice cream for lunch today, or something fun like that. :-)

You have become quite the little climber recently. Whereas the majority of your peers and other kids we see your age have been actively hurtling themselves down slides and climbing scary things on the playground for at least a year or so now, you've always exhibited cautious behavior. I have neither encouraged nor discouraged this - allowing you to feel your way and make your own decisions about how you want to play. Within the past couple of months however you seem to be more comfortable with your body and its abilities. More trusting. You climb the ladders on the play structures without help (though with spotting - I'm still your mom). You run, you slide, you balance and swing and spin. You love to put your tummy on a swing and rock back and forth with your feet off the ground. You finally fit comfortably on your bike and spend most of your outside time on it, though not quite zooming around the block like the other kids. Mostly back and forth with some sporadic bursts of speed.

You still love La Nina above all others. She is your best friend and you could (and sometimes do) spend all day with her if allowed. I am really, REALLY glad that we like her parents! I've already done a lot of canning with La Mama, and we've shared a number of meals with them this summer. Already we are making plans for next! We share parenting tips and tricks, gardening and cooking ideas, and hope for a lot of outdoor adventures this fall and winter.

Bedtime hasn't changed, though you've had some nights of falling asleep fast and easy due to playing so hard and long during the day. You have pretty much stopped napping except those days with your daddy when you wake up too early. You still love to read and love going to the library. I'm glad because its one of my favorite outings too. We both love coming home with a backpack full of books. It is not unusual for us to have 30-40 books out of the library over a period of a few weeks and the best times are lunch on the porch with that full backpack and knowing we have a dozen unread goodies waiting for us.

I just realized that I went from writing about you to writing to you. Hope no one minds. Shows that you are usually at the forefront of my mind.

One of my guilty pleasures? You are still falling asleep in our bed. When I come to bed later I move you into your own bed. Then I get to lay down where you fell asleep and it is so warm and smells delicious.

I know many people think its weird or wrong to have you sleeping in our room still, albeit in your own bed. But I love being able to reach out and feel your foot or the top of your head. You had a nightmare the other night and all I had to do was roll over and whisper "you are safe, you are in your bed, in your room, in your house, with your mommy and daddy. You are safe." Repeated over and over until you settled down and went back to sleep. I don't think you even woke up. And I didn't even have to get out of bed!

You seem to be diversifying what you eat as well. You still enjoy "snacking" - or eating tiny bits throughout the day. And I have never known ANYONE to eat so much fruit. But you are also eating a few more vegetables, especially if it will get you a sweet treat after dinner (good god you are only three and we are already negotiating numbers of bites - how did I get here?). You know all about chocolate and ice cream and cookies but luckily we don't indulge you that often. You are great about letting me brush your teeth, thank you.

I am nervous about tomorrow. Some for the actual separation and how it will affect you and some for how this whole school thing will take over our lives. This is something I want to be an active part of, but I'm not sure I have it together enough. I don't really care what others think and yet, I don't want to be those parents. I really just want to stop time and catch up.

I really just want to stop time and spend more of it with you.

peaches

2009-08-31T07:29:00.001-07:00

Way behind on posts, yeah, I know.

This is a note to self for next year though: 1 lug (about 20 lbs) of peaches makes about 11 quarts in the canner.

Good to know.

Faces

2009-08-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

The Bean has been into making faces recently. Sometimes she makes them when she is not getting her way, sometimes she makes them at me when I make them at her, sometimes she just makes them for fun - running up to me, making the first face shown below, and then running off again to play. She loves to sit or stand on the bathroom counter and make faces at herself in the mirror. Come to think of it, this stems from something she's been doing for a long time.

(Amy, I can't put my finger on it but something in the above photo reminds me of June.)

And I love love LOVE this hair. It is the color of her daddy's, and gets even lighter in the sun, but there is no getting out of the fact that the unruly tangle of curls come from me. Sorry little one.

Thanks, Mom, for taking these pictures. She won't make the faces for me when I point the camera at her and I definitely would never think of taking pictures of hair.

Camping!

2009-07-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

So, a bunch of years ago we bought a big family tent. Something that could sleep all of us plus the dogs. We settled on the 6 person Hobitat, using our REI dividend. We stuck it in the basement and forgot about it. Last year, when we were getting ready for our raft trip, we hauled it out and set it up in the backyard. And it was ridiculously enormous. It was bigger than our bedroom. So I returned it and traded down for the 4 person. This was a wise move, as campspots along rivers and in forests tend to be confined to spaces between very large rocks and low hanging trees.

Anyway, with the exception of that one raft trip we've never used it as a family! So a couple of weekends ago we packed everything up and headed into the great green world. Now, the majority of the campgrounds around here (and everywhere I assume) are geared towards RVs, motorhomes, and vehicles with trailers hauling noisy motorized toys. I have a tendency to enjoy peace and quiet while camping (I know, crazy me!) so I spent quite a bit of time researching campgrounds that are small and/or don't have RV sites. Knowing it was going to be in the 90's at least on Friday we headed for an area along a river that had a plethora of campgrounds, just in case a lot of other urbanites had the same idea.

And you know what? Everywhere was PACKED. When we finally found a spot it was in a huge campground where people were practically on top of each other. We also unfortunately picked a spot that was next to a large group that ended up partying until the wee hours. We got very little sleep. And it cost $25 for one night! So the next morning while everyone else went for a dip in the river I went scouting.

I ended up finding the perfect spot! And actually probably the last isolated spot on that stretch of river. We ended up parking on an embankment and having to haul all our gear (making many MANY trips) down a steep rocky slope to a little rocky beach. But we had it all to ourselves. No noise from other campers, no horrible latrine smell (the Bean had trouble even going in the outhouse at the campground), no partiers, no kids screaming, no obnoxious dirt bikes racing around the campground loop. Just our family and our dogs, the sound of the river, flat rocks for perching on, a ledge for jumping into the river, a swimming hole, a couple of patches of sand, and a huge rock to shelter us. We put our tent up right in the middle (after clearing away some of the larger rocks), swam and played all day, had a great dinner, read lots of books and played in the tent, and then sat around the campfire after the Bean was in bed and watched shooting stars, satellites, and a mysterious UFO-like object flash in the sky.

We all agreed that despite the schleping of stuff and having to scale a small cliff to grab that forgotten item in the car 13 billion times in 24 hrs, it was a MUCH better choice. We've pretty much decided never to camp in an official campground ever again in that area (and probably most others). Why pay the money when you get so little in return? Campgrounds are NOT what they were when I was a kid, or even 10 years ago! Until the Bean can hike in with us to a more remote spot all our car camping will be focused on untraditional areas.

35 months old

2009-07-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

This is the last month that you will be two. How can this be my little Bean? Every day you move further away from baby hood and are ever closer to being a little girl. One with a big girl attitude already too.

This has been a fun month. You rediscovered the community pool and decided you liked it for splashing in on a hot day. In fact, you love most water features as long as they are tame and can be approached on your own terms. You are very much a cat person in this way. Cats are soft, move slowly, don't make a lot of noise or motion, and you can take them or leave them. Dogs, on the other hand, are noisy, in your face messy, can be stinky, and move around a lot. You adore our cat, more so than anyone else in the house, and often yell at the dogs. You treat water the same way. If it is still water, like a shallow pool or basin, you are all over it. If its a sprinkler, or fast moving stream, or some other type of spraying contraption, you skirt the edges and watch others enjoying it.

You are quite the shy little girl, prefering to stick with what you know. I believe I was much the same way when I was a little girl. I have some very vivid vacation memories of my dad befriending other kids for me, probably so that he could go relax and not have to spend his entire vacation entertaining me. Luckily, he was very good at it and I have some very good memories of new, albeit temporary, friends and the fun we had. Now I need to do the same for you, Little Bean.

I have attempted to return to drumming for the African dance class, one of my passions. I love to bring you so that you can enjoy it too. However, you are so shy of the other kids there that you will only play with me, and therefore I don't get to drum. My project for the rest of the summer is to find a way for you to accompany me and have a good time without needing me within a 6 inch radius.

Playgrounds are in again, and you seem to have avoided the fear of heights both your parents have. You love the monkey bars, as long as one of us is holding you, a difficult endeavor sometimes for your vertically challenged mama.

This month has also marked a return to local harvest and berry picking. You liked going with our neighbors, including La Nina, much better than your boring old mama and Mimi, who were a little too intent on actually picking berries rather than running around and playing. It's hard to compete with La Nina though. You prefer to play with her over all others, except maybe your brother once in awhile. Your kinship with the little girl next door has been both a blessing and a curse. When she is around, the rest of us can relax a bit and talk to other adults - as long as we keep a close eye on the two of you lest you fall to biting, hitting, shoving, and yelling at each other. Very much like siblings actually.

When she is not around however you can be mopey, or impatient, or downright blue. Sometimes you cry when she has to go somewhere. Many times I have suggested a number of fun things for us to do and you willingly agree, adding "and La Nina can come too!". And when I explain that she will not be joining us on that particular adventure you decide its not worth doing or going. This breaks my heart a bit, despite my happiness at you having a friend your age.

Other problems present themselves that I don't know how to handle. Sometimes when a fight breaks out that was clearly started by La Nina and her mother takes her in to calm down and have a chat about it you mope like it was really your fault, and like you are being punished. This breaks my heart a lot, and I find myself having to explain to you that you did nothing wrong.

Luckily, your funks never last too long. You are, inherently, a happy little girl, one who is well loved and well respected. You have a lot of silliness in you, partly from being 3 and mostly from spending long hours with your father, for which I am grateful. I take myself WAY too seriously and don't want you to head in that direction.

We are still nursing. Mostly at bedtime and on weekends in the mornings. I am still talking about how it will all end when you turn 3 next month but so far you don't really believe me. You repeat back to me what I've told you - that the boobs will still be there but there will be no more milk. But when I say "and that means no more booba snuggle" you just smile and shake your head and say "nooooooo" in that laughing way that sounds like "oh mama, how you joke". I'm not joking though Little Bean, and this is going to be a really tough transistion for both of us. I am really, really done though. Really. So please be kind and enjoy just the regular snuggling okay?

Speaking of bedtime yours has gotten out of hand. Since the time you were falling asleep has been pushed back later and later (10-11 pm!) we decided to cut the nap. This means that between 3-6 pm you are uber grumpy and tired. Unfortunately, you seem to get a 2nd wind after that and bedtime STILL seems to be 10 or later most nights. Grrrrrr. I'm not quite sure how to change this, but I do know that its making me crazy and something has to change. I'm not sure if the solution is to put you to bed at 7:30 (and all the craziness that entails of trying to get you fed and indoors when it is light out and kids are still playing) or just give up and accept the fact that you are a bit of a night owl.

In a couple of weeks my parents, Mom Mom and Pop Pop, come out for a visit and ~~I plan to take full advantage of the free baby sitting~~ we are all really looking forward to it. The older you get the more you realize what fun it is to have another set of adults wrapped around your little finger and at your beck and call.

But you know that I will always be first in line for that particular job, my delicious little girl, for you are the most fun I have ever had in my entire life.

All my love,

Mama

Sun + water = pass out!

2009-06-30T15:48:00.000-07:00

We had a couple of beautiful days this past weekend. The kind that remind you that summer does eventually come to the Pacific Northwest if you wait long enough. And then of course we get slammed by the DOG days of summer like we're expected to get later this week. The kind that make all those basement projects you've been putting off a little more appealing. We PNWers are a fickle lot. We get so excited to see temps hit the low 60s in March or April but freak out and whine when we get them in June. But once the thermometer climbs above 90 we start moaning about the heat and pine for the cool cloudy, dare I say rainy?, days to return. I know I'm not the only one that hates to have to water the garden.

But anyway, back to our brief window of mid-80s weather. The Bean and I were hanging out, missing La Nina and her family who were visiting the Coast, and wondering what to do with ourselves. When I asked her, the Bean out of nowhere suggested we go to the swimming pool. This seemed like an odd request since we hadn't been since the previous summer and she hadn't particularly enjoyed the experience - too often too crowded meaning overstimulation and big kids running and splashing my sensitive little girl. A couple of days later I figured it out though - one of her current favorite library books is about a little girl who goes to the local swimming pool with her grandma.

So anyway, after some cajoling to actually get going we packed up and meandered to the public pool. It is open on the shallow end, meaning it has no lip, and looks like a lake or beach. This is a fantatic design for small children who want to wade without committing to actually getting wet, and ideal for people like myself and the Bean who are somewhat allergic to cold water and prefer to dip our toes for a LONG time until the heat drives us further in. We ran into some neighbors there, and the Bean had a chance to check out what some of her friends do in the pool. This always challenges her to push her limits, something I love, and with no urging on my part she actually got in a little above her waist. We had a great time and spent about two hours there.

With all that sun and water though, not to mention no nap, I knew the clock was ticking. The moment we got home I handed the Bean to her daddy with instructions NOT to let her fall asleep and sent them outside while I dived into dinner. 45 minutes later he came back in with her on his shoulder and heavily lidded eyes. We plopped her down in front of a little burrito and the promise of a walk to the ice cream store afterwards and she perked up long enough to wolf something down and head out the door.

We ALMOST lost her on the way there. Again the glassy eyes were drooping as we neared the local Gelato place a dozen blocks from our house. But as soon as she saw that they had chocolate she was all over it. Since she doesn't eat sugar very often it tends to turn her into a little spazz. Sure enough as soon as she was done she was climbing all over me, chatting nonstop. I thought it would be a fight to get her home and into bed but she willingly climbed back into the stroller, arranging her 'babies' (two stuffed animals along for the ride) and talking to herself.

For all of 2.32 minutes.

And then she fell asleep.

So asleep that she didn't flinch when the King extracted her from the stroller, carried her upstairs, and put her into her bed.

At 7:30.

The King says he is going to take her to the pool everyday for the rest of the summer.

Sand in the shorts

2009-06-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

Last week the family had a mini vacation. Four of us headed south down the valley to Mimi's house. We had a couple days there relaxing, playing at the new-ish super cool playground, and reacquainting ourselves with the Unseen before he heads off (again!) for a summer abroad in Europe. A couple of days later Mimi and Grandad took off on a vacation of their own, and the Bean and I got in the car and headed south and west to a beach on the southern end of the State, leaving the Teen and the King to a few days of male debauchery: soda, juice, ice cream, meat and cable t.v. All the items I try to limit at our house.

The Bean held up fantastically well on the 3+ hr journey by herself in the backseat. We listened to her favorite CD (over and over again), she snoozed, she snacked (granola obsession anyone?), she looked out the window. We made a brief stop at one of my favorite overlooks which has an enormous dune near the parking lot. We spent 15-20 minutes running and sliding and playing in the sand before hitting the road again. Unfortunately, we couldn't leave Pig in the car too long (it was a no dogs area). The Bean was sad to leave - she easily could have spent hours playing there and if we hadn't had another 1-2 hrs further drive I would have obliged.

Our time at the beach was well spent. Friends from afar came to visit, including a wonderful 5 yr old new friend for the Bean. We ate many great meals, spent long hours on the beach in the sun, took naps, drank some great wine, had a nail polish party, read a ton of books, built forts, and in general relaxed to the max.

Ice cream every night: definition of a true vacation.

Polish party!

Mikky reads a new book to the Bean.

The Bean in one of many forts.

The beach was amazing. A long stretch of flat beautiful sand, perfect for castles, pits, and 'cakes'. There were big rocks to explore on either end, caves and tunnels, and various sea creatures, alive and dead. We saw birds galore, crabs, shells, smooth stones, seaweed, star fish, sea urchins, anemones, and a giant, dead, stinky sea lion. The Bean still talks about how it is "not alive anymore" (for some reason I've been shying away from the word 'dead'), and that it "had whiskers", which is not something I pointed out but she picked up on! I'll spare you photos of it . . .

Preparing to make a sand cake.

The whole gang.

Beautiful starfish.

Probably the hardest part of the whole trip beside having to say goodbye was tiring out the damn dog. We had brought his soft frisbee, a toy he hasn't had the opportunity to play with in a loooooong time. He is the ultimate fetch dog and could not get enough of the frisbee, despite the pounds of sand he ended up eating.

Long tongue dog - not yet tired.

But after hours chasing the disc on the beach, going for runs and long walks with various members of our party, and lots and lots of treats we FINALLY wore him out.

Finally! Don't make a move toward the door!

All too soon we had to pack up and leave. Again the Bean did wonderfully on the long car ride home even though by this time she was more than ready to be home. The last night back at Mimi's house was rough, especially since Mimi wasn't there. Though she was happy to see her daddy and her brother the Bean wanted nothing more than to play with her best friend, La Nina, and to sleep in her own bed. I could certainly sympathize!

All in all a great trip, and I hope its not another year before I see my friends again.

Me and the Bean, checking out a rock tunnel.

34 months old

2009-06-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Little Bean,

You just recently turned 34 months old! This month has been marked heavily by your continued high energy level past the 10 p.m. mark. Considering that I go to bed at 10 during the week to meet my 5:30 a.m. wake up call, this not-so-recent development has been rather upsetting to me. I've tried adjusting your bedtime, but considering your father stays up late to relax and practice his bass, and therefore does not wake up until you wake up, means there is no chance of getting you onto an earlier schedule.

So. This means we are on the brink of abandoning the nap. You've been flirting with this idea on your own anyway, so its nothing new. Weekends you may nap only once in 3 days, occassionally missing them during the week. And its not that we put you to bed earlier on those days, its just that you fall asleep MUCH faster.

However, its not that fun either. You are usually SO grumpy, edgy, tempermental, and overly sensitive by the time I get home on no-nap days that your father is fairly flinging you at me (as you run in that direction anyway) and I have to really watch everything I say and do to keep you from tail-spinning to the floor in a sobbing heap.

Luckily, we've learned how to be and act around you and also how to keep you from getting overly tired. Like your father you are very snack dependent. You are always looking for something to munch on, usually fruit, and are loving the season's offerings of plums, cherries, grapes and strawberries. We can monitor all your growth spurts by your appetite. All your life we have seen this pattern of eat eat eat, then eat nothing, then eat eat eat, then eat nothing. The stages last anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. I try not to worry when you don't eat, as I know its a constant cycle that changes quickly, but I'd really like it if during the non-eating times you'd choose healthier snacks than say, 3 plums and a graham cracker.

Fortunately, you have discovered that the sugar snap peas growing in the garden are delicious! I just can't grow them fast enough. But I am especially excited because my own love of vegetables other than carrots began in my grandmother's amazing garden. There is something about picking it right off the plant that seems to make it taste better. Just wait until the cherry tomatoes start growing!

It seems that this Spring you have also begun to lose your fear of bugs. I think I can thank La Nina for this - she who has no fear of anything (except masks - that one makes her run and hide) and picks up and closely examines any living creature she can get her hands around. She terrorized our chickens when they were small, though most of the time she is gentle. But you will now accept a bug if I pick it up, show it to you, and offer it to you and this makes me very happy. You may not be the tomboy I was, but girls that shriek and jump when they see a ladybug really bother me.

Speaking of satisfying your girly-girl side you have a new favorite activity when you go to your cousins house: dress up with the Divine Miss P! For a long time now that girl has fallen prey to the Disney Princess line. Thankfully, she is one to climb trees and play in the mud while wearing a tiara and gown. Dainty she is not! In fact, don't expect to get many dress-up hand me downs Little Bean, they won't survive their current owner!

But when we go to their house you can wear necklaces, clip on earrings, and dresses. She even has little plastic high heeled shoes! And accessories galore: little mirrors, a hair dryer, rings, bows. And everything in pink or purple.

Your vocabulary continues to explode on its monthly exponential curve. I know I've said it before but I am going to say it again here. You just never stop talking. And it's wonderful. I forget sometimes that you are not even three. Your use of language is quite remarkable, as is your diction, and your use of expressions. You mimic us often and your father and I often look at each other with smiles when we hear one or the other of us coming out of your mouth. You LOVE books and tell me this often. Three days after going to the library we have read every book several times. What is most remarkable though is your capacity for remembering them. Plots, pictures, storylines - it's all stored in your fantastic little brain. You get so excited when you go to La Nina's house and discover she has a book from the library that we had three of four months ago.

And you are so SO happy that the weather is warm and dry enough to spend a LOT of time outside running around with your friends. We've taken lots of bike rides, walk every other weekend to the library, explore different playgrounds around the city. La Papa built a small play house in between our yards and you and La Nina spend a lot of time there, pretending it is your house where you sleep, wake up, make breakfast, make your 'beds'. You have snacks there and we often read books there. It is more than just a playhouse though. You often call it a "stage" and act accordingly.

You are more active now than you have ever been. While still a cautious child compared to others you are becoming bolder and braver and more confident every day and with each new experience. You like to run around with the other kids but prefer to assess from the sidelines the rough stuff - wrestling with your brother or grandfather, jumping off a tree stump, running directly through the sprinkler. I watch you watching, can see you trying to figure it all out, and eventually you DO join in, though on your own terms. While I hate to see you missing out on ANYTHING fun I do appreciate that you will not be cajoled into anything.

All this growing has not been without the associated testing-of-the-limits. Bedtime alone has put my patience to the test. There have been a few moments this month where I have lost my cool and yelled, or stayed silent but picked you up quickly with tense anger coming off of me. Not at you per se, but just in frustration. Not that you can tell the difference, poor Little Bean. Both times I felt you jump in shock, then you curled into yourself and into me with your head buried against me but turned away. You could not look me in the face and spoke in single, very quiet words. The fact that I'd caused you such distress immediately diffused the situation and I felt so utterly miserable that we BOTH needed consoling, from each other.

You have such an interesting way of processing these moments my Little Bean. While you get over it quickly you still need to talk about it, which I am thankful for. I don't want you stewing over these frightening moments with me. You talk about them, but you reverse our roles. For example, we'll have the following conversation,

Bean: One time, when you was a little girl you dropped my special paper on the floor and so I grabbed you and scared you and you cried.
Me: Oh, I remember that. Did you holdy me?
Bean: Mmm hmmmm, I did.
Me: And did that make me feel better?
Bean: Yes, I holdy you and you felt muuuuuch better. And then we had a snack and played outside!

And we will have this conversation any number of times, including weeks after the event!

Next week we have a long drive planned to the coast to visit with some old friends and new and I can't wait to see your reactions to all of this. Will you remember my best friend Mikky? Will you want to play with 5-yr old Sara whom you've never met before? Will you enjoy the sand and surf of the cold and windy coast? I think that the enormous bath tub at the place we are renting will make up for any uncertainty.

I hope you always continue to do things your way my Little Bean. Sing your own song, dance to your own drummer, and forever be the light in my life that you are.

All my love,
Mama

scritch scritch scritch

2009-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

So the Bean has developed a fondness for being scratched. Always at night, while either reading books or after lights out during or after nursing. She wants her arms scratched, her legs, her belly and back, her bottom, everywhere! She will flip over so I can get to a fresh, unscratched spot. She'll wiggle around a bit, as if ticklish, and a few times has even sighed and uttered "oh yeah, that's good".

!

Oh how I laughed.

But I hope this isn't just a phase and instead will be something she lets me do for at least a few years yet. It brings back very good memories of cuddling with my own mother and having my belly rubbed. She has always been into clay and her hands and palms are amazingly soft. And it seems they were always the right temperature - when I was cold they were warm and when I was hot they were nice and cool.

Lovely memories I hope my own daughter has of me someday.

Somersaults!

2009-05-21T12:15:00.001-07:00

A couple of nights ago we were all three of us upstairs on the big bed - the Bean post-clothing but pre-jammies and into her usual super-spazz-out-before-bedtime-books mode. The King and I were chatting while I was preparing my clothes for work the next day when all of a sudden I see the Bean flip herself over her head, landing on her back with a surprised yet gleeful look. Her first somersault! We exploded into cheers and for the next half hour she proceeded to flip herself all over the place while giggling manically and trying to impress us.

Her style, while effective, leaves something to be desired. For some time now she has enjoyed putting her hands and feet on the ground, making an archway of her body. Often she'll then lower her head to look out between her legs and throw her arms back toward the sky. At some point she added a roll to the side and called that a somersault. But the other night she started bouncing on her feet in the arched position and finally succeeded in launching herself all the way over.

We'll have to work on tucking in her head and rolling instead of just flopping herself over before moving off the bed. As it is now she'd probably knock the wind out of herself if she tried it anywhere else. But there is no denying how adorable it is, especially coupled with the pride she obviously feels at having figured it out by herself.

Next thing you know she'll be doing cartwheels alongside her grandmother Mimi!

For the record

2009-05-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't recorded random notes about the Bean in awhile so I better get these down while I'm thinking about them.

First and foremost is the bike. The Bean is still small enough to fit in the Bobike seat, though just barely. While we are nowhere NEAR the weight limit (30 lbs, and she is barely 22), the top of her helmet is grazing my chin. I think we'll use it through the summer and then probably get a seat for the back of the bike. I know this will disappoint us both. For the most part, I LOVE conversing with her while we ride. However, she is SUCH a chatterbox that it is somewhat exhausting when we take 6 or 7 mile rides and she just won't shut up. She discusses everything we see and what we plan to do when we arrive at our destination. She is extremely observant, and has much better eye sight than I do. Putting her on the back of the bike will limit what she can see around me and also our conversation. Which means I just really need to ride the bike with her a lot this summer.

We are still nursing. Mostly when I get home from work, when we go to bed at night, when we wake up together on the weekends, and sometimes when she is very distressed or just got an owie. I will not hesitate to admit that 99.9999% of the time I am DONE with nursing. Most of the time it makes me irritated. I had thought that weaning would be something we could come to an agreement on but she shows NO sign of stopping and often tells me how much she loves it. We've started talking about how once she turns 3 we won't be nursing anymore. She usually just laughs and says "nooooooo" like I'm trying to pull her leg. Hmmmmm. Should be an interesting event.

The Bean has been sleeping through the night on her own mattress for a long time now. Going to bed has been an issue. She stalls, she drags it out, and it takes forever for her to go to sleep. I've given up on getting any time in the evening for now. I'm not sure if its the longer days, or if we should just start cutting out the nap but she will talk to herself and to me (and often requires a response) while laying in the dark after books and snuggling. Most nights this is hard for me but I know it won't last forever. We've talked a lot about going to sleep by herself but she isn't ready yet and I refuse to freak her out by forcing her to lay by herself, even with a light on and myself just right outside the door. The King also has offered to take over bedtime on top of all his other parental duties but neither of us could handle hearing her sob for me, which is what would happen. Why would I want her to think I'm in the house and refusing to come to her? It's all about baby steps for us.

Non-Bean updates: the chicks are in their new house, finally! It is super awesome and I will try to post pictures soon. The garden is going. I've got peas coming up (sugar snaps and snow), greens, beets (carrots, supposedly in the same bed), some random radishes, corn and pumpkin seeds hopefully sprouting soon, tomatoes in La Papa's greenhouse (oh my is that awesome). We've planted 2 dozen strawberries recently and the ones we planted last year are heavy with little green berries. Sunflowers will hopefully be popping up any day. We inherited two old rhodies from neighbors that are filling out the front of the house. It's not a lot but it's something!

Somewhere around 33 months old

2009-05-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

My little Bean,

A week or so ago you hit the double 3's! I'm not quite sure I have it in me to write a full post today so instead I'm going to post some pictures with comments and make note of a few things about you and where you are at currently in life's journey.

First and foremost is your fascination with new clothes. This is nothing new, but rather my surprise that is has continued. I love to go to consignment stores and find adorable gently used clothing for you. I wouldn't say that you are fashion or accessory conscious. Most mornings you don't seem to care what I put you in as long as it is pink. For a long time you only wanted dresses, then went through a t-shirt and pants phase. Now that warm weather is here it must be shorts. Yesterday I brought home a few new-to-you things and you insisted on wearing shorts underneath the new dress, even though you couldn't see the shorts.

And speaking of clothes - why won't you wear them when it is cold out? I know you are in denial that it is anything but summer but for goodness sake child you are a 22 lb stick of a hobbit and our people get cold without at least 3 layers on the moment the temperature dips below 68 degrees. But once you've spotted that tank top or shorts that have been hiding at the bottom of the drawer since last summer there is no amount of pink that will get you to put on a sweatshirt, a pair of socks, or even a long sleeved shirt. When we are outside you would prefer to leave your play and your friends and go inside than acquiesce to put on a sweater. That works out though because I'm usually freezing by that point.

Did you know that you were really silly? At least 5 times every day you get a wild hair and come up with some kind of shenanigan (often supported by, if not invented by, your father) that totally and completely cracks us up. There is just not enough digital storage space to collect all these:

You ran around the house like this for a least an hour one night. You had insisted on putting your underwear on by yourself after your bath and notice that it is backwards?

Okay, I'll admit I thought this one up. But you were so amused by yourself that you stayed this way for about half an hour, wandering around the house and imitating your brother's voice.

Now that the weather is getting nicer you love to be outside. One recent sunny weekend you spent the entire day outside with your friend La Nina. The two of you stripped down naked as soon as possible and spent quite a bit of time playing in your infant bathtub, which is now an outside water toy. The hose water was a bit too cold for your little bones, for anything more than dipping toes in, but that didn't stop your imaginations from entertaining each other for quite some time.

What I love most about the above photo is how far you chose to wander away from me. Your confidence grows daily Little Bean, though I must admit that my favorite part about this is the moment when you turn around and race back into my arms.

These days you cannot, and will not, be left out of anything.

Seriously, you want to do anything and everything, so we try to encourage that.

You always have to know who or what I am talking about when my face is turned and speaking towards anyone but you. You push off bedtime as long as possible. I cannot count the number of times in the past month that I have had to ask you to stop speaking to me because I needed to go to sleep. I always encourage you to talk to yourself, to sing and play and make up stories in the dark. I just can't have you demanding a response when it is 10:30 pm and I need to get up and go to work in 7 hours, and you are still wound up.

There have been a few times this month when you have asked for your daddy after lights out. This continues to surprise me though I am overjoyed that the comfort and security of his arms can relax you enough to fall asleep. That man has the patience and fortitude of a rock. And the capacity for silliness of a 13 year old boy. And a love for his kids that is deeper than the ocean.

And on that I am right there with him.

All my love,
Mama

Haircut

2009-05-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think that this video shows bravery, rather than, say, stupidity - putting the matter of his appearance (not to mention his ears) into the hands of a two and a half year old. One thing is for certain though: he looks damn fine without a shirt on.

I'll take the consolation prize, thanks.

2009-05-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

Well I should have known it was too good to last. The Bean did indeed put herself to sleep that one night but hasn't since. We tried again one other time, putting up some Christmas lights to have something new and bright to look at while I sat outside the door. But she wasn't into it, got downright panicked in fact, and hasn't wanted to try again since. So I'm not going to push it, at least we made a start, and when she is ready she'll be ready.

However (isn't there always one of those?), a few times over the past couple of weeks she has wanted her daddy to help her fall asleep after we've read books, nursed, snuggled, and turned off the lights. I've had no problem whatsoever making that swap and I know he doesn't mind because he adores her. Perhaps this will be a good transition for us?

In other news, we had our first visit to the awesome fountain this year and plan on many return trips. I strapped the Bean onto my bike and rode the 6+ miles downtown along the river on the awesome bike path against a crazy wind with a backpack full of snacks and toys and we spent a few hours having a blast. I threw in an ice cream cone because it was such a special day and this time she chose chocolate! Which I may need to point out is brown! That is - NOT PINK! Maybe that's why she actually let me have some bites.

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

2009-04-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just shouldn't even be posting this right now because I'm totally going to jinx it but . . .

THE CHILD PUT HERSELF TO SLEEP.

That's right. I simply gave her a kiss, said good night, turned off the light, and sat outside the room holding my breath for 10 minutes and then sneaked downstairs. I have no idea if there will be a repeat performance but I was free at 8:40 p.m. and didn't know what to do with myself. Thank goodness for blogs.

I'm thinking that the Bean is very into all things that are big girl things right now. About a month ago I started the conversation with her that when she turns 3 she won't need the boobah anymore. Rather, that they aren't going anywhere but the milk is going away and she just won't need to nurse anymore because she'll be such a big girl. And then she started telling anyone who would listen. Whenever there is talk of birthdays this is the first thing that she brings up, that she won't have boobah anymore even though they aren't going anywhere. While I am glad that this is something she is thinking about and seems to truly comprehend I'm not so sure I need her telling this to all our neighbors.

Anyway, on her list of things she'll do when she's bigger: have coffee, drink beer, read to me (I love this one), drive a car all by herself (her daddy already said no), wear earrings, and her most recent addition - wear high heel shoes. That one she got out of a book and boy howdy I can hear my southern friend KD squealing in delight from across the country. Heel KD, heel. I mean NO heels KD! No heels!

Anyway. A book we got from the library yesterday is a going to sleep book like many we've gotten. But this time I pointed out to the Bean that the parents say goodnight, then turn out the light and leave. That the girl is such a big girl that she can go to bed all by herself, and isn't this something that the Bean will do when she's a big girl too? Oh yes, I am sneaky that way. But she jumped on it, and added it to her list. And tonight when I asked her if this was something she wanted to do she fairly pushed me out the door. She didn't even want a boobah! I am still reeling from the experience, and hope this wasn't just a one time thing.

Regardless, as the King pointed out its a step in the right direction. Even if I only gain an hour before my own weeknight bedtime its an hour I never had before. I just have to convince her that even big girls still like to snuggle.

Woman!

2009-04-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sometime in the past six months or so the King started calling me Woman! whenever I was jumping the gun on something or otherwise showing too much impatience and/or nagging. Like reminding him to do something and he turns around and he's in the middle of doing it. And he'll say to me "relax, woman!" or just simply "woman!". Always in a joking manner and I often say it right back to him when the shoe is on the other foot.

So guess who has picked up on this? The King reports that often during the day when I am at work and Little Miss is bossing him around the house she will often say things like "get me some milk, Woman!" or "read me a book, Woman!". And word has it she calls the Teen "Boy!". I can guess who that came from as well.

So last night we were sitting around the dinner table, all of us in good spirits, and out of nowhere the Bean yells "Dammit, Woman!".

After a few moments of shocked silence the King about gave himself a hernia from laughing so hard. I would have kicked him when he fell to the floor but I couldn't reach that far under the table. I myself had a very hard time as I was juggling these three tasks: 1) trying very hard to suppress the giggle fit that was threatening to overcome me, 2) trying to change the topic of conversation with the Bean so she would move on and not be encouraged to repeat said utternace (very difficult with her father laughing manically in a heap under the table) and 3) attempting to give the King the most wicked stink eye.

I failed at every one.

pink flavor

2009-04-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

Scene: A recent trip to the neighborhood gelatto store - a special treat and an effort to not only cheer up a hurting Bean but also an attempt to soothe/numb a punctured tongue (see post below).

Me: What flavor do you want?

Bean: Pink

Me: Okay, well there are three pink ones: marionberry, strawberry lime, and orange.

Bean: I want the pink one.

Me: Well there are three pink ones sweetheart. The dark one is marionberry, which is like raspberry or blackberry. The light one is a special kind of orange, and the color in between is strawberry lime. So you can choose one of those flavors and any one will be pink. Which one do you think you might like?

Bean: Um . . . the pink one.

Me to the person waiting on us: one strawberry lime please and a shot of tequila for me!

chomp

2009-04-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Yep, I know I've been horribly absent recently. Nope, nothing is up except no time and higher priorities. Hope to post again more regularly but with warmer days starting to come around I can't promise anything. Hell I haven't even finished going through and organizing photos my mom took on her visit here last month!

But anyway, on to recent news.

The Bean was playing on Saturday and slipped and bumped her chin on a wooden futon frame. The bump itself was not a big deal. But she managed to clip her tongue with her sharp little eye teeth and is now sporting four small puncture wounds. Unfortunatley, you can't wrap a tongue in pink kitty cat bandaids. Thankfully though, it has not in any way diminished her appetite and she seems to enjoy everything she did before the accident. She was treated to a walk to the ice cream store Saturday night and that perked her right up. In fact, the only thing that seems to be effected is her ability to nurse, surprisingly. Maybe its the way the tongue has to be shaped to latch, I don't know.

We tried all day Saturday, and by Saturday night when she seemed reluctant I asked if her tongue hurt. She nodded and seemed a bit dejected but was okay with simple snuggling and some songs to fall asleep. She tried again Sunday morning when she woke up but gave up after a single attempt. She showed no interest during the day, even when she saw La Nina nursing and depsite my asking if she wanted to try. By Sunday night at bedtime she didn't even want to try and we just sang songs and held hands until she fell asleep.

Will this be the end of it? Somehow I think not, since she tells me all the time how much she loves the boobies and is always trying to pat them. But I am thankful she seems to know herself well enough not to attempt something that is causing her pain. Poor baby.

Other recent news: we had a really amazing visit from Mom Mom and Pop Pop last month. We went to the zoo, played in the bathtub, and most exciting of all: the Bean saw her very first play. It was the stage rendition of Goodnight Moon, a book the Bean is well familiar with and she sat completely enraptured through two 45-minute sets (and did not want to leave during the 10 minute intermission). As you can imagine the plot was expanded quite a bit with lots of song and dance. The Bean was, as usual when presented with something so new, completely stony-faced and I had to keep asking her if she was having a good time. Now, whenever we read the book she points to the very first page and says "that's a stage mama!". Her list of absolute favorite things now include pink, stages, airplanes, and flip flops.

A few weeks ago we also travelled to Los Angeles to visit my sister, the Backyard Farmer, her husband, and their 12 week old twins. I hadn't seen the bebehs since they were a few days old and it was amazing to see how they've changed and grown. They have the most wonderful smiles and the Bean was very patient and helpful with them. She often brought them toys and pacifiers (whether they wanted them or not, lol) and would immediately start whispering when we told her we needed to be quiet at their bedtime.

I think the best part of that particular trip though was the fact that we stayed in a hotel that had, joy of joys, an elevator, a big bed for jumping on (which the King enjoyed as much, if not more, than she did), and a 'little warm swimming pool.' She very much enjoyed running around and jumping into Mom Mom's arms in the (thankfully not very hot) jacuzzi.

And now it is spring with a number of nice warm sunny days thrown into our typically grey and wet weather. I've been trying to garden but the Bean has patience for that for only so long. I've managed to get in some peas (sugar snap and snow), beets and carrots, and some lettuce mixes. Tomatoes I've started indoors this year from seed - we'll see how that goes. The strawberries and raspberries that we put in last year are doing their thing and the blueberries are slowly putting on some growth. I'm trying to build out a new bed for additional strawberries and we hope to plant two more fruit trees this year (Italian plum and an Asian pear). I'm also still planning on a teensy pumpkin patch with a few stalks of corn. Not sure if they'll like the location I've chosen.

Our neighbors that share a backyard fence are planning on expanding their front porch. This weekend they started moving the vegetation that is currently there and ended up giving us a 50+ year old rhodedendron! It is massive, and beautiful, and hopefully will survivie the transplant. Not to mention that it went from well cared for with southern exposure to somewhat neglected with northern exposure underneath a big ass Cedar Deodara. It is a beautiful specimen though and we will do our best to take care of it.

And finally . . . chickens! Yep, we got ourselves some chooks. We have been wanting to do this for awhile but wanted to wait until the Bean was old enough to enjoy having chicks. We got four different breeds and each member of the family got to name one. The first two to arrive were the Teen's Australorp that he named Frito, and the Bean's Buff Orpington that she named . . . wait for it . . . can you guess? . . . Pink! About three weeks later we picked up the King's Rhode Island Red that he named Gobbles, and my beautiful little Salmon Faverolles that I named Salullah. Hopefully I can get my act together and post some pictures soon. They sure are cute! The Bean doesn't mind the little ones but the bigger chicks frighten her somewhat. I'm not sure how she is going to be able to handle them free ranging in the yard but hopefully she'll grow out of it and/or learn to ignore them (my same wish for the dogs and cat actually). Currently they are in an old dog kennel in our back room while the King cobbles together a funky little coop out of recycled materials. It may not be the prettiest or fanciest coop but it will be bullet proof!

Beanisms

2009-02-18T16:01:00.001-08:00

The Bean needs to keep track of everything that gets eaten in our house, in case she might be missing out on some kind of really good treat. Not an easy feat with a father who can't seem to gain weight and a growing teenager in the house. Whenever she catches someone chewing, or if she sees something in your hand she'll say "Whatchyoo have?" or "Whatchyoo eatin'?"

When she doesn't understand what we're talking about, but hears a name or object that she recognizes she says "Whatchyoo say, mama? Whatchyoo say?". She might say this 3 or 4 time before either getting it or giving up. I try to reword what I was talking about in a way she understands but its hard to tell if she gets it, especially if she just really doesn't care.

And . . . she knows when we're spelling things out. She can be fully engrossed in something but the moment we start spelling she stops and looks at us with a little frown, concentrating very hard. I'd like to think that we're helping her learn to spell faster, but we might have to come up with some code words for treats and special outings.

Smart little thing!

Goofy

2009-02-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

Today I had the day off (thank you dead Presidents, and happy birthday!) so we went for a hike. The Bean fell asleep in the car on the way there, so she had neither a very comfortable nor long enough nap. She was drowsy and quiet the entire time, though she enjoyed the big waterfalls we saw.

But as soon as we got back to the car and had our picnic ("Where our samwishes dad?") she perked right up and was goofin' all the way home.

And after three little platefuls of stroganoff (her favorite meal), which she shoveled into her mouth with both hands, she was asleep by 8:45. First time she's been asleep before 10 in about 3 weeks.

Sleep tight, sweet little Bean.

30 months old

2009-02-12T11:32:00.001-08:00

My sweetest pea,

As usual, I am a few days behind and you are now 30 months + a few days old. Yesterday you smelled your very first Mr. Sketch pen, a red "cherry" flavored one, and the only one we have in our giant mish mosh box of pens. Your father pointed it out to you as a distraction from the total cow you were having about me making you put on a sweatshirt. You know, because its winter time. Evil mommy.

Anyway, you became very engrossed with this pen. For the next hour you would randomly run over to the box, pick it up, wrestle the cap off, and bring it up to your nose. I'm amazed you didn't look like Rudolph by bedtime.

Me: Well, guess I'm not going to win any Eco Mama of the Year Awards.
Him: Why? Because your daughter is huffing pens?
Me: Um, yeah, something like that.

This month I looked at two preschools. It was so surreal. You are only two and a half, why is school even on my radar? Despite the fact that you will be three in the fall you are more than ready to go. For at least the past six months you have been playing school, talking about going to school, setting up a school in various corners of the house. You also have a backpack, and a binder with lined paper where you do your "homework", despite the daily grumblings from your brother.

Your father is also highly amused by your excitement, as neither of the boys EVER liked the idea of school, even when they were tiny. But we both know that you will thrive if we can find the right setting for you. The two schools I have looked at would both suit you, though I admit I like one better for their teaching philosophy, and the other better for the extras like serving organic meals (breakfast, snack, and lunch) and the fact that it is in walking distance of our house. Both schools have 45 minutes of outside time every day, unless the weather is extreme. And while I am already worrying about you being cold and miserable when you haven't even been accepted yet, I am also delighted that you will learn how to have fun outdoors in all kinds of conditions.

You have mastered a few skills this month. You can now open most doors by yourself and I am very VERY thankful you aren't one of those kids that just wanders outside. You let the cat in and out, and also into the mud room at the back of the house where we keep his food. You keep up a constant narration while you do this, regardless of whether or not anyone is there to listen to you.

Cat from outside: Meow!
Bean: Walkie want come inside. I open door for Walkie. Come in Walkie! There you go! You want your food? Come on Walkie! I let you in, you eat your dinner. There you go Walkie! I open door for you. Eat your food Walkie! Walkie you want eat your food? Okay, bye Walkie!

Except pronounce every "your" like "yo-uh".

One Sunday morning we were laying in bed and you were nursing yourself awake. Since I get up in the dark and slip out while you are sleeping every weekday morning, the weekend nurse-in is one of your favorite, most snuggly, and stillest times. That Sunday morning though I was very sore on my right side and told you I had to switch you over. You popped off, pointed at that boob, looked at your dad very seriously and said "that side sore daddy". Then you pointed to the other one and said "this my sweet boobie." And of course we laughed our asses off. But I appreciate it, I do, because you so rarely talk about nursing or milk other than to say (whine) that you want some. You do, however, have the sweetest little excited giggle when I climb into bed at night to nurse you to sleep.

And have I mentioned that you found a new pair of floo-flops? We got a bag of old clothes from our neighbor, most of which I managed to hide because there were several pink summer items, but I couldn't get to the little pair of Tevas fast enough. They are the normal black rubber kind with velcro straps, but the straps themselves have pink flowers on them and regardless, they are FLOO FLOPS, so you have been wearing them every day. Never mind that they are too small and your feet stick out on both ends. They are FLOO FLOPS. FLOO FLOPS MAMA!! The only time you take them off is to get your toenails painted. Pink of course.

(Please note: you are not back in diapers here. Rather you insisted on wearing an old swim diaper that you found. You have this fascination for bathing suits recently and I think it is because we are all ready for summer).

Your daddo reports that every weekday morning this past week you have woken up, rubbed your eyes, crawled over to the edge of the bed and looked around going "Where's my floo flops?". No "good morning", no "hi daddy!", not even a smile. Just a grumpy request for a pair of not-warm or cozy rubber shoes that leave marks on your feet and are probably destroying your ability to walk. But god help the person that tries to take them off of you. I have tried and now am missing several fingers.

We have a strict no shoes on the bed policy though, and therefore for the past week you have insisted on kneeling uncomfortably by the side of the bed to read our bedtime books rather than take off the shoes and snuggle with me. Let's just say you get your stubborn streak from your mother's side. And more specifically, your mother's mother and your mother's mother's father. It's a generational thing and it never skips. Just a heads up for when you have your own kids.

One more thing I feel compelled to talk about. The other night at the dinner table you got excited about something and your fork slipped from your grasp and into your lap. You picked it up and said "I catched it mama! I catched it!". I didn't correct you because it struck me that "catched" is not something you hear us say. If your vocabulary were purely based on mimicking us you would have said "caught". Instead, your brain has picked up on the fact that past tense words typically end with -ed and so you applied that grammatical tidbit without thinking about it. Huh. That's pretty smart don't you think?

Look how long those curls are getting! When wet they reach below the middle of your back. And those eyelashes . . .

And finally. The other night we were engaging in one of your favorite pastimes: jumping on the bed. You also love wrestling on the bed with your daddo and your brother, but I like my nose the way it is so I usually stay out of that one. So there we were, just you and I, and you were standing up and then falling backwards flat on your back with a giant smile on your face. "Your turn, mama!" you yelled. And so despite my lifetime fear of pain I stood on the bed, opened my arms, and fell backwards without bending. And it was so much fun! A little scary, that feeling of just letting go and trusting that you won't break something. But the sound of your resulting giggle was infectious, and we spent the next half hour falling forwards, backwards, while holding hands, while taking turns and watching each other, and all sorts of combinations of free fall.

Insert conclusions about the meaning of life here. Whatever, it was a blast.

All my love,
Mama

Singing to herself

2009-02-07T19:14:00.000-08:00

She is so entertaining right now.

Little Albie Moon

2009-01-28T09:33:00.001-08:00

About a month or so ago our neighbors got an older kitten from a woman who was fostering him. They named him Little Albie Moon and he was a sweet marmalade rascal, and was very tolerant of La Nina picking him up and carrying him around the house.

Every time we went over there the Bean would locate him, stand over him and yell "Poopy!" until he bolted (didn't take long). This would result in shrieks of hilarity from the Bean and off she'd go to find him. Repeat ad nauseum. She never tired of this game, no matter how many times I asked her not to chase the poor kitty, and no matter what other enticing toys or games La Nina had moved on to. If snacks were presented however, the Bean could be lured away momentarily.

Alas, poor stay-at-home La Mama could not handle both a rambunctious toddler and a rambunctious kitten so back he went to his foster mother (probably with a sigh of relief) and I'm pretty sure she just ended up keeping him.

As far as I know, it was never explained to the Bean nor has she ever asked where he went or why he is no longer at La Nina's house. But about a week or two ago she decided that SHE was Little Albie Moon. Sometimes this means that she goes underneath the dinner table when we are sitting there and begins to meow, tickling our knees and toes. She'll want me to pat the seat next to me making a pss pss pss sound that I sometimes use to call our cat. Sometimes she just wants us to call her that instead of one of the other hundreds of silly names we use with her.

This is the first time I have seen her using her imagination for something she came up with herself. It isn't play suggested by one of her parents or an older child, it's play that originated in her bright little mind that she is using to either entertain herself or to play with us.

I can't wait to see what she comes up with next!

And have I mentioned she is becoming quite the photographer?

Self portraits, taken recently at the Dojo.

Party night

2009-01-22T16:17:00.001-08:00

I just got a phone call from the Bean (I'm at work). The King has taught her how to say "Party night mama!".

Guess I should be ready to boogie by the time I get home.

29 months old

2009-01-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Little Bean,

A few days ago you turned 29 months old. Not a culturally significant number, unless it were years instead of months, but I celebrate anyway, because as my friend Amy said recently, "Honestly, how do they just get more wonderful?" And the answer to that is "I honestly don't know!" But it is so true.

You and your brother, playing with the camera.

In the past month you have discovered pink and everything must be pink. You prefer pink clothes to all others, always point out things that are pink in books and in the outside world. The sky is usually pink, or has pink in it somewhere. When we talk about going to the bakery you request a muffin that is pink. You recently got a new pink dress and threw an absolute fit when I wouldn't let you wear it to bed (it had syrup on it, which wasn't pink).

You have also discovered that you really like dresses. On top of the pink fascination I must admit I'm not sure anymore that you are my child. I was such a complete tomboy growing up that the only tantrums I ever threw were when it was suggested I wear a skirt or dress to go out to dinner. I hated pink and didn't have any great love for dolls or anything else girly. But maybe you are rebelling against all the boy influence in your life - the dad that stays home with you and wants to play Legos, the brothers, the mother who lives in jeans and wears dark colors. So I guess really all I can say is go girl! Do your own thing.

Playing dress up with found clothes. Daddy calls you Salulah from Latvia in this get up.

The past month has also been one of trial and tribulation, though none caused by you and all of which you came through beautifully. Two in particular stand out. The first occurred two days before Christmas. We had a rare and unusually large amount of snow and it wreaked havoc on the roads. We were headed to your grandmother's house about 100 miles south of us, a trip that normally takes about 90 minutes to two hours. We left around 3 pm, and you hadn't napped, so though we expected the trip to be a bit slower than usual due to the weather and road conditions, we expected you still to just sleep through most of it.

What we didn't expect was that the lovely Department of Transportation would decided to shut down a two mile stretch of a major freeway at rush hour during the holiday season to plow and de-ice. What was supposed to be a 20-30 minute closure turned into hours and hours of agony for many holiday travellers. We ended up sitting on an adjacent freeway (which fed into the one being plowed) for FIVE HOURS. It then took an additional four hours to get to our destination, half of it at 20 mph or less. It was extremely frustrating - one of those trips that, had we known, we never would have left the house, family Christmas or not. But being in it you just never know. Every half hour that went by, every time we started the car to drive forward only 50 feet we'd say "surely NOW we'll go!". Even when we did try to cut out and return home we were stuck. It was an incredibly bad decision on the City's part and in the following days there were many public demands that someone be fired for that decision.

Sleepy girl.

The King and I just dreamed of snowballs with rocks inside being thrown against their windows.

My little Bean, you spent most of NINE hours strapped in your car seat with only a half hour break to eat some horrible road side food, very late, which wreaked havoc on your little tummy. You took only a brief nap in my lap in the car at 6 p.m. and didn't fall asleep again until almost 11:30 p.m. I have never seen you look so relieved to be put to bed as you did at 12:15 a.m. at your grandmother's house. You did have a few miserable moments when you were tired and wanted out of your seat. But considering how awful the whole thing was I think you did remarkably well. You don't much like traveling in the car, so from now on I resolve to try to make the trips worth it.

The other event that sticks in my mind this month was one I had known was coming and dreaded for several months. My sister, the Backyard Farmer, just recently had twins! Early in her pregnancy I knew I would be visiting her to try to help out with the little itty bitties. The King and I decided it would be best to leave you home as I would have my hands full and couldn't give you the attention you deserve. Though your relationship with your dadda seems to get stronger and closer all the time you are still very attached to me and I dreaded leaving you. The King and I decided that 3 nights, four days was long enough, and about all I could handle. I first brought it up to you about a week before I left. You did not like the idea AT ALL and would say things to me like "No help Auntie S. No help two babies" and "No go mama" while clinging to me. Needless to say, my heart broke every time.

Um, helping me make breakfast?

When the day came to say goodbye you weren't happy about it, but didn't protest. We all went to the airport, had a snack there, and you waved goodbye to me and left with your dad. No tears, no fuss, except quietly on my side of security and only after you had left. I called your dad every day and spoke to you once or twice, but he reported no breakdowns, no major tantrums (there were one or two instances of you wanting me but nothing that doesn't happen sometimes when I am merely at work).

The night I returned home you had had no nap and had played all day with your cousins, so you actually fell asleep before your dad left for the airport. Poor guy. I saw him from afar and immediately dropped my gaze three feet to see if I could spot your sweet little face. It was hard to hide my disappointment at not seeing you right away and it took all my willpower not to race up the stairs when I got home and wake you up.

Showing your daddy how to smile.

The thing I was most curious about was whether this separation would cause you to wean. Silly mama. Guess what was the first thing you asked for when you saw me? We have reduced the nursing to just going-to-sleep times and very occasional moments of high distress. I am happy that I can solve your worst problems this way, but I do sometimes wish you would accept a cuddle and hug instead.

When I mentioned that this was my first trip away from you several people told me "it's about time don't you think?" and "it will be good for both of you" and I admit I am puzzled by both statements. Why is a forced separation of mother and child necessary and/or beneficial? Is it a requirement for independence? Shouldn't that instead be the choice of the child?

Regardless, we seem to be back into our routine with no lasting residue of duress and I am grateful for your patience and resilience. Now we are into a new year and we have passed the darkest, lowest point of the earth's travels around the sun for the year. I look forward to more sun, more play, and more adventures with you, my dearest little Bean, and to all the joys you have to share with me.

All my love,

Mama

Snuggling up with me in front of our new fireplace insert.

Boogie Woogie Oogie

2009-01-11T16:37:00.001-08:00

The music you can hear in the background is a CD and book she got from the Teen's mom for her birthday last year. She has finally discovered the joy of following along with the music and words and here you can see her dancing and singing along.

Winter commute

2009-01-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Back in the summer of 2007 I purchased a 2-stroke, 50 cc scooter to use to commute to work. I love this little machine. It gets 70-80 mpg, can go upwards of 45 mph (I'm a lightweight), and only costs $55/month to park in a garage that is two blocks from my workplace. The tank holds a little more than one gallon, which I had to fill maybe once every other week. Insurance costs me about $180/year. My employer gave a $50/month parking allowance, so all in all it was not only extremely cheap to own and maintain but was more eco-friendly than a car.

Then the economy tanked, and in an effort to save money and cut costs my employer, understandably, took away the parking allowance. What is not quite so understandable is their consolation prize: a MANDATORY annual pass to our local public transit system.

Now, don't get me wrong - I applaud their efforts to get people to use mass transit and stay out of their cars. And they must've gotten a hell of a deal to afford every employee in our office an annual pass. But to make it mandatory is ridiculous. Whatever the cost, I would have preferred to put that toward using my scooter rather than having this useless card in my wallet.

And I have nothing against mass transit. Hell I rode the bus for YEARS. But due to the location of my house riding the bus would add up to an hour to my commute each way. And I am already working 10 hours so no thanks. The bus is not always reliable, tends to make me ill (I get carsick easily), and I hate waiting in the cold for it to come.

So, instead I decided to pull out my trusty bicycle, usually ridden only in fair weather, and commit to a winter commute. I am completely unprepared in terms of gear. I have a rain coat and rain pants, but not ones that are appropriate for winter riding. I do not have a cover for my helmet. I can't find my rear bike light.

And perhaps worst of all - I am horribly, HORRIBLY out of shape.

The first day ride was actually very pleasant. But then, it always is. I get trapped by the beauty of the commute (I can ride almost 6 miles along a river with nary a car in sight), the speed of the bike, the clean feeling in my lungs. I think "Oh yeah, I'm much stronger than I thought. This is easy!"

Then comes the second day. When just stretching out my leg to throw it over the bike hurts. When I end up standing most of the ride because my ass is sore from my ride the day before. When my lungs burn up the slightest incline. And now let's add in the darkness (i.e. careening swerve - "whoa, where did that jogger come from?!"), the cold ("I can't feel my ears!"), and at some point, the weather ("!#%!^@#$! rain!"). I've only ridden two days and have lucked out with the weather. But this IS the Pacific Northwest and it's only January, which means we have about 5 more months of rain to look forward to before our dry hot summer.

So I hope I can stick with it. I love the energy it gives me, the beauty of the river and the wildlife sanctuary I ride past (the birds!), the clean feeling in my lungs, the extra cookie I can forgive myself in exchange for all the extra calories I am now burning. And I really hope it gets me in better shape for summer hiking and that backpack trip I am planning in October.

Now if only I could win a shopping spree at my local bike shop. I gotta get me one of those cool (not) fluorescent yellow jackets.

Snow!

2008-12-31T15:38:00.000-08:00

We're used to cold and wet this time of year around here but one thing that rarely reaches the valley floor is snow. Oh every year we'll see some flurries, and maybe we'll get 1/4-1/2 inch that sticks around for a few hours, raising the hopes of every school kid in the city that the schools will be closed. But rarely do we see the kind of storm we saw last week. We got 8-12 inches, depending on where you live in the city, over several events with a 1/2-1 inch sheet of ice in between. It brought the city to a standstill closing businesses and roads, keeping people from work, shutting down mass transit, losing power in some places, etc. We just don't have the resources here to deal with that kind of thing.

We also lost the gutter along one whole side of our house due to the weight of the icicles and no down spout at one corner. And I know for a fact that we lost the two artichokes we planted last spring, and who knows what else. I don't have much hope for the baby fruit trees, but who knows, I may be surprised.

On the plus side, it was beautiful and fun, and I am fortuante to live in a neighborhood where I can walk to pretty much everything (and the majors stayed open - natural food store, coffee shop, bakery, toy store :-) ). We also had just had a fireplace insert installed and had a pile of firewood that's been curing for almost 15 years in the basement. So we were toasty warm and content while temps dipped into the teens outside.

The Bean however, was not a huge fan of the white world. She would wake up every morning and look out the window and very excitedly say "snow mama! It's snowing outside!" but that's as far as it went. We went outside at least once or twice every day but she did not like the cold, did not like the wind blowing wet cold snowflakes into her face, did not want to sled or be dragged down the street on the tobaggon (too unsteady), and most definitely did not like the snow getting into her mittens.

She did however, warm up to it when our next door neighbor, La Papa, decided to build a one person igloo in front of his house. He spent two afternoon working on it, with lots of help from whomever was passing by. At one point I looked out and he had six young kids working on it! Anyway, the first afternoon he was at it the King went out to help and the Bean and I soon followed. The wind and snow had finally stopped, which was a plus, but I think most of all she was totally entranced by the fact that someone could create a playhouse out of snow in the middle of their driveway. She insisted we "come inside" (I use quotes because the whole structure was 3' high and a semi-circle at that point), played in it, and at one point was even laying on her stomach pretending to swim. The King says when kids get down in the snow like that you know they are having a good time.

Next snowfall I'm gonna start her boarding.

28 months

2008-12-16T11:55:00.001-08:00

My Dear Little Bean,

Several days ago you turned 28 months old. This month has been dominated by your desire to push buttons, both literal and figurative. We can no longer operate the stereo, the coffee grinder, or the phone without you. You know how to open my laptop and turn it on, and insist on tapping all the keys and playing with the mouse when I am trying to do something. You also know how to turn on my camera and take pictures, and thank god for digital cameras or I'd have stacks of prints of the floor, your toes, and my ass, which no one really wants to see. You have, however, collected a number of decent, dare I say good, shots. I hope this obsessions sticks, because I can see you having so much fun behind the lens. And let's face it, I highly doubt your father will let your prance around too much on the other side, unless we're the ones taking the shots.

You have also mastered how to push our internal buttons too. You have such dextrous little fingers that you insist on trying to do the things that you see us do and woe be to anyone who says "no" to you. Tears, wailing, and stomping ensue until you get to try at least some aspect of it. Sometimes I have to let you make a mess just so you can see what I meant the first or second or fifth time I told you it was something I had to do myself.

It is wonderful when you can do something yourself of course. But then, you will insist on doing it yourself from then on. The result is that we can no longer multitask anything ever again. The other day I let you peel a tangerine, something you had seen us do for you a few times. You did it beautifully, without puncturing the fruit or losing a single drop of juice. You were so impressed with your efforts, and so happy with our praise, that you ate three more, simply for the joy of peeling them. Good thing they are tasty too!

The list of things you must do yourself includes feeding Pig, all things involving the potty, operating the stereo, making coffee, cracking eggs (we try to limit this one), stiring anything, choosing your own utensils, getting the yogurt out of the fridge, operating the camera, adding sugar to tea, and a host of other small tasks. We hear "DO IT BY A SELF!" about a thousand times a day. Sometimes I won't even wait, I'll flat out ask you if you want to do a task by yourself to avoid listening to the meltdown when I misjudge your capabilities.

About the only time you don't insist is the only time I really want you to do something. Two somethings actually. One is picking up your toys. Kids of any age seem to have this built in aversion to picking up after themselves and it is really REALLY annoying. Yes I'm looking at you Tween.

The other is picking out books to read at night before bedtime. Often by this point in the evening I am exhausted and really enjoy laying in bed and snuggling with you but when we've finished a book and I ask you to pick out another one you simply say "Mommy do that." Very rarely you will want to pick one out with me, a.k.a. approve my choices, but more often than not you don't want to leave the warmth of the bed either.

We've had a number of exciting events this past month. Thanksgiving at your Mimi's house was a lot of fun with about 20 people squeezed around two tables. This was the first time, I think EVER, that you sat somewhere other than right next to me. In fact, you sat at an entirely different table and I thought this might cause a major conflagaration. But you had your daddy, your brothers, you uncle and cousin, and a couple of relatives you rarely see that were just intersting enough to keep you from freaking out. And if you simply turned around you could see me not 3 feet away. So you actually did great, despite not eating anything. The rest of the visit you followed your older cousin P around and had a great time.

This month you also received at least three of the last four molars. You know, I see absolutely no evolutionary benefit to teething. You were sleepless, clingy, and wouldn't eat for about 48 hrs because of the pain. It was awful for everyone but perhaps now you will actually enjoy eating vegetables? Oh yeah, and moonbeams will fly out of my butt. But at least the teeth are here and I suppose its time to start thinking about taking you to the dentist.

We've also had a couple of big-for-us snowfalls. You woke up one morning and looked out the window and your world was completely different. And having grown up in a tropical climate your joy was matched by my own. We couldn't wait to get outside and scrape up the measly two inches off the grass to throw at each other. Unfortuantely the wicked icy wind prevented us from taking a nice long walk but more snow is on the way so we'll have another chance.

I love having these moments with you. Though it sometimes gets old that I can't go to the bathroom without my little shadow, that I can't make dinner without having to hold you in one arm at least half the time while you loudly insist on helping, I am still overjoyed that I am your first choice to play with, first choice to run to with an owie, first choice to go experience the new snow with. I know you won't always be crawling into my lap or yelling over everyone else to get my attention, or screeching "I WANT MY MAMA!" when I take 20 secs to go get something out of the basement while your dad holds you, so I will cherish those moments now. But I hope you will always contact me to share your joys, your new experiences, and your opinions on your world.

All my love,

Mama

R.I.P. Elpoont

2008-12-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

I just HAD to go and say something didn't I?

Last night we attended the Zoo Lights festival at, well, at the zoo (hmm). They set up colored lights in the shapes of animals, some animated and some static, all over the zoo. Some live animals are on display and the zoo train is also running and decorated. Though the Bean fell asleep in the car on the way there (again, no nap yesterday at the normal time) and was groggy and unsure what was going on, she still had a great time. This was my first Zoo Lights experience, and the King hadn't been since the Tween was about 4 (he's now 13). It was fun being at the zoo at night, and we got to see the new baby elephant - something difficult to accomplish during normal zoo hours when the crowds guarantee an hour wait.

And that's when it happened. The Bean began to say "elephant". And though it is such a little thing, it is one of those little things that breaks your heart for the bit of babyhood that slips away forever.

So I am going to name her little stuffed elephant "Elpoont" in memoriam, though I'll never be able to say it quite like the Bean does. And it'll probably take at least another year for her to figure it all out and realize my word isn't the correct pronunciation but hey, isn't that what parents are for? To screw up their kids?

Recovering

2008-12-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yes I know I owe a 28 month post, but I have not had a chance to collect photos yet. This past weekend was crazy with a holiday bazaar, a drum rehearsal, dress rehearsal, and performance, a crazy and very sudden fever which we are chalking up to the 2-year molars finally making an appearance (bad timing, you), and an equally as troublesome malady hitting the King that had him in bed by 9 pm last night, pale and shaking and feverish. Lots of tired and grumpy people in the house this weekend. Thank goodness for Mom Mom's arrival and visit, the best yet for the Bean who is LOVING having grandma around, and for the flexibility of folks at my office.

Anyway, the King told me that when the Bean woke up this morning she crawled over to him and said "Pig bark, mommy home? Give mommy kisses?". Translation: "when the dog barks it means mommy is home and we give mommy kisses!"

Mmmmm, delicious.

I am happy to report that though her vocabulary changes as she grows and learns more complicated sounds and sentence structures, she still says "El-poont" for "elephant".

A prayer, and sleep issues

2008-12-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

First the prayer: Please, Lord, help me to accept the things I cannot change.

I know there is more to it than that, but I'm focusing on that one for the moment. For the past several weeks there have been some weird sleep issues in the house. The Bean appears to be giving up naps, though she still desperately needs them (and we desperately need that break during the day). And she seems to be taking a long time to make the change, if that is what is happening.

Some days she sleeps but only for a half hour. Some days she skips the nap entirely. Either way, when she doesn't get enough rest she is a complete mess by dinner time. We're talking a whining, crying, tantrum-ridden little beastie. For the most part this just raises our patience levels higher, but it isn't really solving the problem. Unfortunately, there really isn't anything that we can DO about it, not anything legal or healthy anyway, and what will be will be.

But girl, you are rough!

You'd think with all the not sleeping and energy expended whining and carrying on as if the world were ending because we won't let her get the yogurt out of the fridge herself that she'd go to sleep early, or at least fall asleep right away. But no, that's the other half of the weird sleep issues going on. Not only does the Bean manage to avoid bedtime until I physically move her upstairs, she also has managed not to go to sleep before 10 pm the last few nights. Last night it was 10:30! I myself have to be in bed by 10 on work nights since I get up at 5:30.

This is not working for me.

Not to kvetch or anything, but I will be happy when this scene changes.

On a lighter note, we've been going to the Dojo (at the community center around the corner from our house) a lot recently where the King teaches Judo (and works out himself on Saturdays). It is a very relaxed atmosphere there and they have boxes of toys the Bean can play with. Not to mention the floor is covered in professional Judo mats, and there are gym mats piled on one end of the room to climb on. And a mirror that covers one wall on the other end. The Bean loves to go there and play and sometimes there are other kids there too. But the last few classes she has been participating in the warm ups - doing the stretches and exercises and learning to count to 10 in Japanese. And when the students line up opposite the Sensei (the King, I'm so proud) to bow in, the Bean is right there next to him, sitting in position with her legs tucked under her and yelling "hai!" when they do. And she bows in and out every time she enters or leaves the Dojo. It is the cutest thing EVER and of course her daddy is estatic. He is already teaching her to roll, and often has her "pin" him on the mats so she gets a feel for it. I think she will really love Judo, at least until she's a teen.

I will bring my camera to the next class. In the meantime, enjoy the Bean modeling her new hat made by my mother, Mom Mom, who arrives tonight for a week long visit!

Done with diapers!

2008-12-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

We have an enormous pile of unused diapers in our house. About a month ago we switched to pull ups during the day but still used a cloth diaper at night, just in case. But she was completely dry in the mornings so about a week ago we stopped using diapers all together. So far, so good (knock on something hard and grainy) and so tomorrow morning some time a truck will come and pick up the last of the large white squares that were the focal part of our lives for more than two years.

Tuesdays will never be the same.

No more reminder notes for the King to leave the dirty ones on the porch. No more panic at not being able to find the diaper bag. No more extra suitcase just for diapers when we travel. No more racing to the store for wipes.

I would like to state for the record, however, and with the utmost pride and joy in my heart, that the Bean potty trained herself at the tender young age of 2 years and 2 months.

For anyone out there debating whether or not to go cloth over disposables I would like to heartily recommend that you go for it. Whatever inconveniences you are imagining, the benefit and savings of using cloth are enormous.

We are free!

Pie-uhl uv leeeeeevs, mama

2008-11-18T09:53:00.000-08:00

Not having any fun. NOT AT ALL.

Our neighbors across the street have a house that was built in 1897. The year the house was built the owners planted a copper beech tree which is now classed as a Heritage Tree by the State. It is a gorgeous, enormous beast of a tree that folks can't help remarking on when they pass by.

And of course, every Fall all the neighbors get to enjoy raking some of its leaves out of their yard. No matter, there is still enough to make a 5 foot tall, 10 foot wide pile that even adults can jump into.

This was the Bean's first real leaf pile experience and, having grown up in a tropical climate, mine too. She wasn't really sure how she felt about it until the Tween came out to give me my camera and simply picked her up and tossed her in with the rest of the kids. She disappeared completely into the depth of the pile and though while in the air she emitted a cure-for-deafness shriek, she came up with the look on her face you see pictured above.

But she insisted that he throw her in again anyway. And again. And again. You know, just to make sure she understood what all the other kids were giggling about.

Movies hopefully to be posted soon.

27 months

2008-11-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

My dear little Bean,

A couple of days ago you turned 27 months old. You will have noticed that I missed the 26 month mark. This wasn't because it was not momentous, every day with you is an epic journey, but rather a result of too many really intense things going on all at once. We had a crazy deadline at work that required lots and lots of overtime and this was hard on all of us. We also took on a small remodeling job in our kitchen and our household is still out of whack. You have been extremely patient with the noise, the tools, the strange people coming in and out of the house, the lack of attention when daddy had to deal with workmen, etc. What you did not handle very well was the lack of mommy and for that I apologize. But I am back now, and back to encouraging your independence while staying focused on your needs and wants.

(this is what happens when your father dresses you)

So much has happened in the past two months that I don't even know where to begin. You have almost completely potty trained yourself. Seriously, we did very little work with you on this because we are lazy and diapers get delivered to our house. But once you did it yourself a few times and received praise and attention and lots of high fives you wanted to do it all the time. You have no fear of full sized public toilets (though I do) except when they have a loud flush. You are comfortable both on the big potty with your own special seat or your little potty, which you prefer simply because you can do more of the process yourself. You are dry 9 out of 10 mornings, and have had only a very very few accidents.

You continue to sleep well, except when you get cold. There is a wool comforter headed your way and I am forever searching for super warm jammies that are not full of flame retardant chemicals. You also just recently wanted to sleep on a pillow both for a nap and at bedtime. This is part of your wanting to do everything you see us doing and I think your very own pillow may be in your future.

You continue to want to nurse, though I think you are realizing that I don't make as much milk as I used to. The other morning you nursed for a moment, stopped and pointed at my boob and said "No milk in there. No milk in there mama" and looked up at me with a face that said "fix it". Of course, the lack of flow had not stopped you from wanting to nurse. These days though its more likely a quick sip and then off you scurry. So I'm trying to introduce the notion of hugs and snuggles as an appropriate substitute , but it is slow going for now and honestly? I don't mind one bit.

It hasn't all been roses mind you. IT happened while I was at work the other day and I am still unsure what to do about it. I'm referring to the Elmo incident. While your father was otherwise indisposed in the bathroom you wandered into the living room, found the remote, and pressed the big red button. Thankfully we don't have cable and even more thankfully, your father had been watching PBS before bed the night before. But what popped on to the screen was "Elmo's World". After it repeated just twice your father heard you singing along with it and when he came out you were dancing along, transfixed. Your father let you finish the sketch (to avoid meltdown), then turned it off and distracted you. The next day I was actually home, and when I came downstairs from sleeping in a bit you jumped up and said "Elmo's World! Elmo's World!". Luckily, that's as far as it went and I haven't heard you say it again, but I realized that my desire to not have you watch TV is going to turn into a battle if I don't come up with a game plan. I'm still working on it.

I didn't think it was possible but you seem to talk more now than you did before. Your sentences are becoming more complex and you are getting a better grasp on the past tense. Our phone conversations are also much longer. These days when I call home and your father puts you on the phone you simply open your mouth and say "come home right now mama!", but luckily I still get over-the-phone kisses before you hand me over to your father.

We're still trying to get you to say "I love you" without telling you to say it, but right now you still respond with a shy little smile and/or "yeah" when we say it to you. Which simply means it'll be that much more significant when you do say it.

Did you know that you have to be involved in EVERYTHING? Like a typical younger sibling you can't stand to be left out of anything and you always want to help with whatever I'm doing. You can't stand being told "this is too hot" or "this is too dangerous" or "this is something that only _______ can do". You understand the concept of "daddy is working on the house" but not why you can't also wield a nail gun, a table saw, a paint brush. I often have to stop and remind myself that a) including you is a big part of your world education, b) it doesn't matter if it takes an extra 15 minutes to get it done or there is a bit more cleanup involved, c) including you brings us closer and d) the day you don't really want to lift a finger to help us isn't that far away.

I think what has struck me most about the changes over the past couple of months is that you seem to have transformed from a simple toddler to a very complex little girl. You concentrate very hard on things, be it helping me in the kitchen or comprehending a book we are reading. Your emotions are sometimes difficult to interpret. You have an enormous mental capacity and a memory that boggles my mind. You remember phrases from books, events that happened months ago, places we went or things we saw that I haven't thought about since and didn't think you did either. Casual remarks become titles and trigger memories and it is amazing to see you recall something distant, to bring it to the forefront of your mind.

We are also really deep into the "I am 2 and I can do it by myself" stage. To the point where if I hand you a spoon because you are about to eat yogurt you shriek "by a-self mama!", put the spoon back and then retrieve it once more. Or if I carry you into a room you wanted to walk into you will repeat your mantra ("by a-self!"), walk back to the doorway, turn around and repeat my steps. I'm pretty sure you aren't doing this to spite me, but rather this is a big step forward in our encouragement of your independence.

Which is such a bittersweet thing isn't it? We parents can't wait until our babies can walk, so we don't have to carry you anymore, and then our arms ache when we see a new little baby. We can't wait for you to talk, so we don't have to play the all-too-frustrating interpretation guessing game. Then we giggle at the incoherent shriekings of an infant. We can't wait until you are sleeping through the night, in your own bed, so we can get more sleep ourselves. But what parent doesn't wish to cuddle their child one more time? Ten more times? And really, what parent sleeps through the night when their child is truly independent?

So I'll say it again my little Bean: I'm in no rush. Except maybe to get home at the end of the day and hold you in my arms.

All my love,
Mama

Mindful Mama contest

2008-11-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

I know. I KNOW. It's been forever and I have so much to tell you that I don't even know where to begin. I'm going to blame the past two month absence on a host of things including a crazy work deadline that had me working insane overtime and also a small kitchen remodel that has me too exhausted to get on line.

So I know I have a lot to catch up on BUT. There is this contest that I entered into at the very last minute sponsored by Mindful Mama Magazine. I thought and thought and thought about what I wanted to write for this contest and nothing in my mind was good enough. The day before the deadline I ended up entering one of my blog posts - the one entitled "Home".

Now, this contest was a bit of a popularity thing - those entries that generated the most discussion and received a lot of attention were considered for the grand prize. I'm not really into that sort of thing so I just let it be. A few people commented on my entry, and that was extremely gratifying and lovely. But I didn't expect it to go anywhere.

Well guess what? I'm one of the finalists! So now I am bowing and scraping and asking you, my very few dear readers, to head on over to the website and vote for my entry. Unfortunately, you have to register to be able to vote. But it only takes a second, is free, and I'm pretty sure the righteous folks over there won't bombard you with emails in the future. At least, I'm hoping, because I know that asking you to register and come up with yet another username and password is sort of a major pain in the rear. So I thank you in advance.

What do I win you may be wondering? Well, the grand prize is a trip to NYC to see Ani Difranco, my all time hero and favorite musician. Hers is the only live performance I make a point never to miss when she comes to my city and she never fails to put on a kick ass show.

So now that I know I have a chance I am nervous and excited and not too proud to beg. Please go to this address right now and vote for my entry entitled "Home"! (Right now it's on page 2).

http://mindfulmamamagazine.com/forums/326.aspx

P.S. I'm not totally 100% sure I even know HOW to vote so for now just go to the essay and at the top right you can add the post to your favorites. Also you can leave a comment. Maybe that's how it is done? I'll post again if I find out something different!

The excitement continues . . .

2008-09-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, I know the excitement is going to wear off eventually but she went TWICE yesterday! Once during the day when it was just her and her Papa, and once when we were in bedtime routine mode. Both times she was running around without clothes on and just decided she needed to use the potty without being asked. I wish the weather weren't changing - she's finally getting it but we're moving into clothing required season. But at least we know that she knows what to do!

She did it again!

2008-09-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

Just now! Without anyone asking her if she had to go! She was just playing with her friend and she ran into the bathroom and went!

Three things that tickled me

2008-09-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

1) The Unseen appeared sometime in the middle of the night and crashed in our guest room. This man-child, who on any given day since he was 12 has not appeared before noon if he doesn't have to, got up a little before 7 a.m. to chat with me while I was getting ready for work. He packs up a U-Haul today and heads down the valley to move into his first ever apartment (shared with two good friends) a few days before starting his Junior year of college.

2) While getting ready to get on my scooter this morning my neighbor walked by with her son (age 8 or 9) and daughter (5 or 6?). I already had my jacket and helmet on, and the boy did not recognize me so he was asking his mom who I was. She was surprised he couldn't guess and asked him who he thought I was. I smiled and waved (albeit from across the street and with a lot of gear on). He named every male in the house, then ran out of guesses. His mom laughed and I shouted out "try the mom of the house!". Upon hearing my voice a mixture of recognition and shock crossed his face. I very much enjoyed revving my little scooter and flying down the street while he watched with a little awe. This might be the only time in my life I'm considered to be "the cool mom" by anyone's offspring.

3) The best for last. I haven't written much about the Bean's bathroom adventures because, well, there haven't been any since that one fluke that surprised us all way back in July. For awhile I was very gung ho about the potty, talking about it, reading kids books to her about it, pointing out all the kids she knows that go in the potty, asking her constantly if she wanted to sit on her potty, etc. But she wasn't ready, and the more I pushed the more she resisted so I just let it go. I still asked once in awhile but dropped it as soon as she said no.

Then.

Last night we were starting our bedtime routine. She had her jammie top on but that was it. I heard her say something about peepee on the bed so I checked it out and it was dry. I casually asked her if she wanted to go peepee and she immediately scooted to the edge of the bed, took my hand, and we made our way downstairs. There was no sense of urgency, and we casually talked about who we knew that used the potty. When we got to the bathroom she released my hand, pulled her potty out from under the cabinet, lifted the lid, sat on it, and immediately let go an enormous puddle. IT WAS MAGNIFICENT. I waited until she was done, gave her a wipe, and then scooped her up and did the whole gushing-with-pride-I'm-so-proud-of-you-you-did-it! thing while she beamed.

And that was it. No hour long parade of hoopla like last time. I want to treat this one like a big step forward, but not a huge deal. She obviously knew what she was doing, and knew she had to go but held it until we got downstairs. We are going to continue to ask her a few times a day if she needs to go and if she says no then that's okay.

But like the two nights in a row that she slept through the night I feel that this is the start of something. That she's just going to be one of those kids that might try and succeed at something once, but doesn't make it a regular part of her daily life until she's good and ready, at which point she just incorporates it into the routine immediately and there is no learning curve, no trial period, no two steps forward one step back, just forward and forward.

Slowly, I am learning.

Home

2008-09-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

Our evenings have a routine. When I can finally corral the Bean and get her upstairs we often play on the big bed for a bit and then settle into books. I let her choose them, and where and how she wants to read them (sitting in my lap, sitting next to me, laying down with her head tucked into my shoulder), and we read at her pace (the exact story, an embellished story where we talk about what we see on each page, or flipping rapidly through the pages until we get to the one thing she likes about the book that made her choose it in the first place: a puzzling expression, an unfortunate situation, an object she just learned of).

When I deem it time she scoots to her bed (situated next to ours), grabs a couple of stuffed animals (usually Lamby and Kitty Cat, sometimes a guest Zeebie or Elephant), and sits up leaning against the pillows, waiting for me to turn off the light and come "find" her.

I turn off the light, lose my top, and crawl over my bed to her. I pretend I can't find her, then discover a foot, a knee, and listen to her giggle. When I reach her head I say "what's this?" and she says "A Bean!", except she uses her real name. She often refers to herself in third person, something I find so endearing.

Then I grab her ankles and slide her down in a quick motion that makes her laugh and prepare to lay down next to her. She is usually latched on before I am settled. I pull a snuggle blanket over us and as she nurses I kiss the top of her head at least a dozen times and say "I love you."

Usually I can feel her nod and she says "Mmmm hmmmm" without breaking latch. But for the past week when I say "I love you" she stops nursing for a moment and says "Home?"

Now, I'm not really sure what this means exactly. She could be asking me if I'm going to be home when she wakes up in the morning. And if so then I feel terribly guilty because most mornings I am up and gone while she is slumbering away. And currently we have a huge project deadline at work, which means working later than I usually do, and most unholy, working on our precious Bean-Mommy Fridays.

What I prefer to think is that her reply of "home" is her way of saying "I love you" back, plus a whole lot more. That "home" is all the things I have worked so hard to provide for her: love, security, safety, warmth, trust, good health, calm, ease and affection.

I truly hope this is what she is communicating to me.

Regardless, when we are there, cuddling together in the dark, her curly head beneath my chin and her little hand stroking my arm, I am not lying when I in turn reply to her "Yes my love, I am home."

25 months

2008-09-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

My dear little Bean,

You are 25 months old! Today I present to you an excerpt from the current Bean-English Dictionary:

1) Holdy. When you want to be picked up (um, when do you NOT want to be picked up? oh, right, when La Nina is attempting to make a break for it and running down the block) you come up to me, put your arms in the air, open and close your hands rapidly (like, "now, woman") and say "Holdy!". You've got us all hooked on this new verb/command and even your brother will approach you and say "Can I holdy you?".

2) Tankoo. You have become uber-polite, but selectively. You have been saying "please" ("pliss") for awhile (albeit when prodded) but recently you have started saying "thank you" ("tankoo mama") and even "no thank you", often combining that one with a sign that you made up, shaking your head "no" while touching your chin (ASL for "thank you").

3) Soosme, mama. When you need to get by me or sometimes just for fun you have been known to say "excuse me, mama".

4) Shop. No KD, not what you think. This actually means "stop" and is usually directed at one of the dogs, or at your father when he wants to kiss or tickle you [see: 5) Cham] or look in your general direction when I am present. You hear us yell at the dogs a lot, because they aren't very bright and bark at anything that happens to wander past the front of the house. When they start making a racket, or if they try to bolt into the house, we immediately yell "No! Stop. Waaaaaaaiiiiiit." You have heard this so many times that if we don't respond to their noise you take the task up yourself, marching to where they are and holding out your traffic-stopping hand. Of course, coming from a 33 inch tall midget like yourself they tend to roll their eyes and give you a look that says "look, sister, we were here looooooong before you. You are merely a pup at the bottom of the command chain. Go sit down before I mistake you for a snack." Luckily, the only time you are intimidated by our silly dogs is when you accidentally get caught between Pig coming in the back door and his food bowl . . .

5) Cham. Pronounced with a guttaral "ch" sound like in Hebrew or Yiddish. This is a sound your father invented for when he is chasing you around the house and is going to capture you and tickle you. He has been doing this since he deemed you old enough to wrestle, which was about 3 minutes old. When you are in the mood you LOVE it, and run squealing to the nearest pair of legs where you expect to be scooped up immediately [see: 1) holdy] so you can hide your face in a neck or shoulder to escape the Cham.

Note: when you are NOT in the mood you stand your ground, put out that traffic-stopping hand and say "No. Shop." [see: 4) Shop], or "No Cham! No Cham!"

What's new this month is that you have started Chamming back. You have even designated one of the hand puppets sitting above your bed as the Cham monster and when I see you go for him at jammy time I know we are in for 10 minutes of wrestling before we'll be able to crack a book. Since your laughter is life sustaining I can't say I mind, nor would I ever pass up an opportunity to bite your bum.

6) Nayco. This is also something started by your daddy, or maybe me, I can't remember. But it is now the family word for "naked", and if we allowed it you would be nayco all the time. When we change your diaper and we've got you wiped down but not yet into a freshie you jump up and run off yelling "nayco!" sometimes in joy at being, sometimes in fear that current conditions are under threat.

7) Various repetitions of new phrases at ever increasing volume. As annoying as it is sometimes to hear you repeat something over and over to the point that I want to stick dynamite in my ears (and part of that is the fact that you need us to repeat it back to you and will get louder and louder until we've repeated it back a sufficient number of times) I do appreciate you trying to wrap your mouth around some new concept, phrase or tongue twister.

Last night it was "coffee shop". Previously whenever we passed by a place that looked like you could consume something there you'd say "buy food" or "buy food there?". But last night when we drove buy a coffee shop (not hard in this town) and you said "buy food?" I replied "yes, that's a coffee shop". You thought about this for a few moments, and then tried it out yourself.

"cockeesop? cockeesoup. cahseeposh?"

A few moments of silence from the back seat of the car. Then

You: Mommy?
Me: Yes, love
You: Coffee. Sop? Coffeeeeeeeee. Sop? Coffeesop? Coffeesop? COFFEESOP? COFFEESOP?!
Me: Yes honey, coffee shop!
You: COFFEESOP!
Me: You got it, very good!
You: COFFEESOP!
Me: Uh huh
You: MOMMY! COFFEESOP! COFFEESOP!
Me: Aargh!
You, whispering to yourself: coffeesop. yes, coffeesop. coffeesop. yeah, coffeesop. yes.

Sometimes we just can't understand what you are saying since you seem to have a sort of random stream of consciousness that emits from your mouth. In fact we often refer to you as a talking volcano, and we never know when a large chunk of random hot vocabulary is going to spew forth and smack us in the back of the head. You do try to help us out though, often accompanying your words with gestures, or falling back to words we do know. Sometimes we just have to wait it out, as was the case one night when I drove to your cousin's house and you had me pinned to my seat with a frenzy of words.

"Quinee! Paygwound! Head! Bones? Surl! Kwai! Paygwound? Mimi? House? Head? YEEEESSSSSS."

And now an excerpt from the current chapter of Things That You Do That I Love

1) Random bursts of affection. Those moments when I am involved in something and you come running up to me and throw yourself into a fierce hug of my legs. Or when we are heading up the stairs to bed and you throw your arms around me and give me a kiss.

2) Talking to you on the phone. Occasionally you will ~~tell me about~~ shout at me what you are doing: "SEESAW! PLAY-GWOWN! KIDS! DADDY!" but mostly I ask you questions about your day and you will shout a yes or no answer at me. When the conversation draws to a close your daddy will say "give mommy a kiss" and I will hear several loud kissy sounds and then my heart melts all over the floor and I get no work done for the rest of the day.

3) All things edible make you very curious. Though you don't eat a lot you can't help yourself from inspecting anything you see someone consuming. When you see someone sit down with a snack - and this includes family members, friends, neighbors - you immediately go stand right next to them, look at what they are eating, and say "mmmmMMMMMmmmmm" all the while batting your eyelashes and wearing your most winning smile. When you get a bite of something you like you do a little dance of joy.

4) You have a little song you like to sing called "Heh" which consists of singing the word "Heh" to the tune of the ABC song. And no, I did not name this song, you did. You prefer to sing this song while looking at yourself in the mirror and laughing hysterically, but have been known to sing it upon request in the car:

Me: "Hey Bean want to sing a song?"
Bean: "Yeah!"
Me: "What do you want to sing?"
Bean: "Heh?!"
Me: "Okay!"
Bean: "Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh." giggle giggle

You can also sing to the melody of the first line of Twinkle Twinkle, but the lyrics are comprised wholly of the word "Twinkle". Hey, what do you know, the tune to Twinkle Twinkle is the same as ABCs . . .

5) You are now at the age where you will repeat something over and over as long as it makes us laugh. This is endlessly amusing to your brother, as the two of you will ape each other until either your father or I get annoyed and make you stop.

6) You LOVE to look at pictures and little movies of yourself. The moment I sit down in front of the computer to do anything you run over and say "Pitchers? Me?".

7) You like to sing Happy Birthday at random times, inserting various people's name but most often it's happy birthday to daddy. The other day it was happy birthday to the balloon you were playing with. I'm sure it was pleased.

8) For your birthday you got a ceramic tea set with four cups and saucers in various colors. The first time we played with it you assigned a color to each member of the family and we are NOT allowed to use any other color. And you have no idea how fun it is to mess with you on this issue. One day when your brother and I were playing "tea" with you I picked up his color teacup and saucer. You took it from me, said "No" and gave it to him. Then, when you weren't looking, he and I traded tea cups but kept the correct color saucer. When you saw what we had done you shouted "NO! STOP." and switched them back. We decided we had better cease before you poured pretend boiling water all over us.

9) Sometime in the past I was really tired and wanted to go to bed but you kept wanting more and more books so finally I had to hold up a finger (not THAT finger, come on now) and have this conversation:

Me: Okay, ONE more, and then night-night time.
You: Yesh (nodding solemnly).
Me, holding that finger in your face: One more, okay?
You: Yes.

And ever since then anytime you want more of anything (books, snacks, jumping in puddles), you hold up that finger, tuck your chin down and look up at me from under knit eyebrows: "One. Moe. One."

Except, boy do you learn quick. From one we've gone to "Five? Moe? Five?" with a grin and some raised eyebrows. As my old grade school stationary used to say, who could resist such cuteness and talent?

Little Bean, I could go on and on and on. I guess the point here is that once again you have amazed me with your seemingly endless talent for picking up words, phrases, facial expressions, and gestures from those around you. One evening in the car with just the two of us you piped up after a few miles of quiet (oh, sometimes blessed quiet) and said "Q, this? Q? This?" and when I looked in the rearview mirror you had your thumb in your mouth. You have never sucked your thumb before, but noticed that he did. This happens all the time. And I have to wonder if perhaps this is the reason that you are all of a sudden sleeping through the night - because your brain is constantly sucking in information at an astounding rate and now you have to shut down completely to give your little body a chance to catch up. I think shooting up three inches and gaining four pounds this summer qualifies.

All my love,
Mama

P.S. Let the record show that as of this date you can count to 10 (when you want to) and know most of the ABC's.

Out Loud Allowed

2008-08-25T21:28:00.002-07:00

Here are three-fourths of the Alphabet Gang: P, Q, and Mama J. Turn the volume all the way up on your computer and you will experience approximately one tenth of the noise that occurs when these three get together. Now you can understand why all the adults have beer in their hands. Because we needed a warm-up for the bourbon.

Still, the hugging IS pretty cute, even if the Bean has no idea what is going on and isn't quite sure whether Q is being nice or is trying to take her out . . .

Non-toxic drinking

2008-08-25T08:05:00.000-07:00

We've never been a big fan of plastic in our house. So when I discovered Sigg and Kleen Kanteen stainless steel water bottles I slowly started to replace our classic Nalgenes with some of these lightweight beauties. The only problem is that they keep updating their designs, triggering my desire to collect them. I get itchy fingers whenever I pass by the display at the store.

And then they went ahead and started making itty bitty ones for little kids. Have you seen them? Have you seen how cute they are? Can you understand my struggles with addiction? Does the Bean really need 17 different water bottles?

Why yes, yes she does.

(and so I really hope I win this give away)

Insomnia sucks

2008-08-20T15:56:00.001-07:00

Dear Brain,

I love you, I really do, despite the beer I drink and the occasional poor choice that comes from Netflix. I try to keep you active by having a technical job and trying to manage a million things at once at home. However, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't prefer you to take a break now and again. Might I suggest once a day between the hours of, oh, say, 10 p.m. and 5:45 a.m. when the alarm goes off?

To put it another way: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY PLEASE SHUT DOWN AT NIGHT. I mean really, there is no reason to come up with good blog posts at 3 a.m. HAVE YOU NOT REALIZED THAT THE CHILD IS SLEEPING? TAKE ADVANTAGE.

Love,
me

Actually . . .

2008-08-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

Seems it really was the noisy college kids that woke her up because the Bean has been sleeping through the night ever since. We had one morning where she woke when the sun was coming up and she simply crawled into bed with me and started nursing, then slept for another couple of hours.

Unfortunately, my body is so used to waking up that I haven't slept through the night myself yet!

The spell, she has broken

2008-08-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

And the mama, she is tired. Oh so tired.

But still there is progress! Though the Bean woke up a few times last night she stayed in her bed. Mostly it seemed she wanted to just be reassured that we were there. She'd see my form in the dark and say "Hi, mommy" and if I answered her right away and told her to lie back down, that it was night-night time, she'd do exactly that.

So she knows what she is supposed to do at night and knowing is half the battle, right? Right? Sorry, couldn't resist.

And in all fairness, it was really hot and still last night. I had a bit of insomnia and was restless so I can't really blame the Bean for waking up too. And the college kids down the street were talking very loudly as they got in their cars and slammed the doors at 2 or 3 a.m., right underneath our bedroom window. We'll be joining the rest of the neighborhood kids in a kiddie splash pool right underneath THEIR bedroom window on Saturday morning at 6 a.m..

I probably shouldn't jinx myself BUT . . .

2008-08-12T06:49:00.001-07:00

. . . for the past two nights the Bean has slept through the night in her own bed.

High fives all around!

24 months old

2008-08-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Bean,

Today you are two years old. I haven't written much in the past few weeks, partly because we have been out of town a lot and when I got back work just totally kicked (and continues to kick) my ass (and we all know that is all the internet time I get anymore). But mostly it has been due to the overwhelming amount of stories I have wanted to tell. You have been collecting milestones the way I used to collect bottle caps. I write posts everyday in my head - witty, humorous, award-winning posts. But when I get 5 minutes in front of the computer I sit there stumped.

But here you are turning two and so I guess I must write something. Thank you for the proverbial lighting of the fire under my ass.

Yesterday your cousins hung out with us for a couple of hours. There were several other kids from the 'hood out and about as well. At one point, young Mr. Q took off down the street and we all followed. When he got to the corner we convinced him to turn around and run back in the other direction. Again, everyone followed. Except you. I said, "Hey Bean, look there goes Q! And the Divine Miss P! Don't you want to go that way?" And you said, "No". And I said, "That's my girl." And though I know I am jinxing myself, though I know that this spells out trouble for the years to come, at that moment where you stood on the corner looking in all directions and weighing your options, at that moment I could not have been more proud. At that moment you were neither leader nor follower. At that moment you were an independent thinker. Lord help me, I loved it.

This month we spent a full week with Mom Mom and Pop Pop in the house I grew up in in Hawai'i. While it wasn't your first airplane trip, it was the first one with your own SEAT and the first time you had flown since you learned to walk. Needless to say, it was an exhausting yet amusing 6 hours. There were a plethora of other firsts on this trip. We got you your first pair of flip-flops, which you had been requesting since your father and I busted ours out at the beginning of the summer. As I was paying for them I had a moment of fear that you would hate the feeling of the strap between your toes and refuse to wear them. Silly mommy. You saw them, put them on, and did not take them off for about 3 days. Or rather, did not take them off willingly. The first night, after you had fallen asleep, I tried to slip them off of your feet. Because, I don't know, it's really not pleasant to be kicked all night by a toddler wearing dirty rubber shoes? Your ~~Spidey~~ Imelda Marcos Sense kicked in and you woke up FURIOUS, screaming, and inconsolable, though I am proud to say I did not give in and eventually you fell asleep and when you woke up in the morning the first thing we did was put your flip-flops on and you pranced around, otherwise naked, and beaming.

Oh, and you call them "foo-fops". Could you be any more adorable? The answer is no, no you can not.

But wait, it gets better.

For about the third time in my entire life I got a wild hair up my butt and decided to paint my toenails the night before we left. You were so enthralled by this whimsical decoration of mine that you insisted on looking at my toes on demand. First thing in the morning you ordered me to remove the bed sheet and hold up my feet. If I wore my Keen sandals I was required to take them off several times a day and show you my painted toes. And oh boy did you want some too. After about 3 days I relented and it took me all of about 23 seconds to paint your teeny tiny toenails. And for the next couple of days you absolutely refused to put your feet in the sand or in the water for fear it might wash off. Keep in mind WE WERE IN HAWAII. Thank goodness your grandfather has the persuasive powers of The Music Man, with a capital P, which stands for "the Pacific Ocean near the equator is one of the most fun places on earth to be".

We returned from that trip, shook out the sand and did some laundry, and then it was time to pack up for an almost all girls camping trip with my two best friends, both of whom live out of state. While the weather was not fully cooperative we had a lot of fun sleeping in the tent, hiking through big green forests to waterfalls and fields of wild flowers.

Your mimicry has reached amazing new heights. You have moved beyond picking up new words to stringing words together for full sentences. I love hearing you scold the dogs, not to mention your father or brother. The other day the Tween tossed your beloved Lamby from one couch to another so he could sit. With a scowl you shouted "HEY! Nooooooooooooooooo" the same way we do at the dogs when they try to sneak in the house without getting their paws wiped.

You know your birthday is coming up and at random times you can be heard saying "Happy Birthday To You". You LOVE to sing, but it is with great sadness that I report you do NOT want to hear "You Are My Sunshine" any more. This song has been my staple for trying to get you to fall asleep, for comforting you after a boo boo, for those times when I will gouge my own eyes out if I have to sing "E-I-E-I-O" one more time. Thank goodness for Mikky the Teacher and her repertoire of grade school songs. Current favorite: "I had a little turtle, his name was Tiny Tim, I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim. He drank up all the water, and ate up all the soap, and woke up in the morning with bubbles in his throat. Glub glub glub." Complete with hand motions and funny throat noises, this song will make you dance and break into that heart-melting grin that makes me want to eat you. You are THAT delicious.

Have you seen your band aid dance? Really, you need to do that in front of a mirror sometime.

Perhaps the most exciting observation of this month has been the move into imaginative play. We are finally seeing you fully grasp the idea of "pretend" and I predict tea parties in the near future with your favorite stuffed animals and, of course, your daddy. We had many discussions on this very topic when we made the conscious decision for him to be the stay-at-home parent. Really I don't think he'll mind that much, as long as you are willing to accept some action figures as occasional guests.

You know, the older you get, the less you look like me and the more you look like your daddy. Thing is, I totally married him for his looks, so you lucked out, and I am in love all over again.

All my love,
mama

Peepee in the potty!!

2008-07-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is probably only really exciting to those of you with kids, but I am still riding the peepee high (that didn't sound right, did it?).

Two nights ago was a bit of chaos. Mimi was in town, randomly, and came over with the Alphabet Gang for dinner and kid play. La Papa next door was celebrating his birthday with family and the neighbors - everyone was invited to their house for cookies and ice cream. So there were a ton of people outside between our two houses. Our family was in our backyard but then the mosquitos came out so we went inside for a bit. At one point I saw the Bean go into the bathroom so I followed her in there. She ran to her little potty saying "peepee! potty!" and my first thought was that she was just sort of showing it off to the other kids because shes been super possessive of her toys recently. But I asked if she wanted to sit on the potty and go peepee, because I've been trying more actively to get her to go for the past couple of weeks. Occasionally she will sit on it, but only for a few seconds and then off she goes to play. Usually when I ask if she wants to go she just says "no". She's also been fighting the diaper recently, so I've been telling her that if she doesn't want to wear a diaper she can start using the potty - her choice, no pressure.

So anyway, that night when I asked after she ran in there she said yes, so I unbuttoned her outfit (she already didn't have a diaper on, imagine that) and she sat down and almost IMMEDIATELY started to pee! She gave me this really startled look like "what the hell is that coming out of me?" and I must have had a very similar look on my face because we both just froze, looking at each other.

Of course I made a HUGE deal out of it (I was SOOOO proud!) and she was fascinated too. She had a lot of pee! We told the King, and all the family, and any neighbor that wandered over about her bladder accomplishment. Luckily, everyone was supportive.

About 45 min later it was time for bed and she wanted to pee again but nothing came out and I think she was a bit disappointed. I tried to tell her that her body sends her messages when she has to go but it was late and I'm sure that will take a while to sink it.

But its a start! And this time it wasn't a fluke - I think she really had to go and heard the message her bladder was sending her. As mentioned, I usually ask her a few times a day if she has to go but that time she ran in there by herself, talking about it.

And of course we've been talking about it and asking her every few hours since then but to date there hasn't been a repeat performance. I'm hoping that having me around for an extended period of time while we're on vacation, not to mention all the nakey time she'll get at her Mom Mom and Pop Pop's house will be a big step forward.

And if not? No biggie, we've still got Tidee Didee!

Cute things

2008-07-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

Go by bike

2008-07-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I bought a Bobike Mini bike seat for the Bean. I agonized for weeks over whether to get her a seat on my bike or a trailer.

Trailer advantages:
- low to the ground in case you should fall or have an accident
- attachment rotates, so you can put your bike down without disturbing the trailer (and hence the child in it)
- provides shade and/or protection from rain
- child can eat/read/sleep on longer rides
- can be used to haul other things along with your kid

Seat on a bike advantages:
- well, just one really, and that is that the child is experiencing the ride as you do. They see what you see, at the level you see it, and you can talk to them while you ride.

And that one advantage won me over. Its not like the bike has replaced our car. Really we would just use it for fun, for quick close errands, for a family outing. And I knew she would love it so much more if she could be up high with the wind in her face and able to talk to me and point out the things she could see.

But, once I had the thing on my bike I suffered from "what the hell have I done?" syndrome. There were days where she got very cold, just sitting there not working, and I felt terrible guilt. And the top of her helmet just about hits my chin, meaning our days are numbered if she continues to sprout inches skyward every month. Still, she loves it. LOVES IT. She practically explodes when she sees the bike, wanting to drop everything and get on it, often wailing "BIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" in lament that she is not already on it. And she will often just want to wear her bike helmet (and nothing else) around the house. One day when we biked to the playground she refused to take it off and I'm pretty sure the other parents thought I was some kind of over-protective freak and didn't trust my child's ability to use a slide correctly.

But my choice was not fully confirmed as a good one until this past weekend. The King had a gig as part of Bastille Day at a popular fountain downtown (all the fountains in our city are public and often occupied by kids in the summertime). Our neighbors were going with their two boys and invited us to bike with them. This was by far the longest bike ride I've been on with the Bean so far (6+ miles, one direction) though it is the route I take daily to and from work. It was about 92 degrees outside, and the route is 98% fabulous bike path along the river, but much of it is in the sun. Our neighbors had their two boys in a trailer and instantly I worried about the Bean frying like bacon, getting grumpy from the heat, from not having water, from not having a snack, from wanting to get off, etc.

Silly me. As you can tell from the post below this one she is a bit of a talker. And boy did she talk - she pointed out everything she saw that she recognized and when she ran out of things she pointed them out again. And again. And again. And then she wanted to sing songs. Do you know how difficult it is to pedal miles and miles in the melting heat carrying 20+ pounds (I had a backpack full of snacks, picnic blanket, water, etc) and singing "I-I-I-YO?" (that's her E-I-E-I-O). But I really didn't mind. What was important was that we were interacting during our experience together, which made it so much more enjoyable for both of us. My neighbor with the trailer actually had to stop a few times to see what her youngest was screeching about, to distribute snacks and water that she had mistakenly put in her backpack, and in general had a somewhat annoyed attitude of "let's just get there already". Her trailer was also pretty wide, as it was carrying two, and the few streets we did have to traverse with traffic we were all a little on edge.

But beyond even that were the smiles and nods I got when folks saw little Bean in her seat (and yeah, she's pretty cute tucked in there, especially with her little bug-eyed sunglasses). I overheard a number of people talking about it, that they've never seen a seat at the front of the bike (its pretty popular in Europe ya'll!), and one guy even approached me and asked about the brand and where to get it (hooray for my local bike shop for carrying it!).

So now the Bean isn't the only one happy to be in the bike seat. I swear my pride in my choice and in her love for it raised me up a few inches so it didn't feel like she was going to break my nose every 5 minutes. Now I want to go everywhere with her by bike and plan on doing more extended rides when we can.

As long as I can stand singing more "I-I-I-YO".

Great conversation

2008-07-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when the Bean gets in front of the mirror she likes to talk to herself. Here is a classic conversation. Warning - random screeching ahead.

23 months old

2008-07-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

My dear little Bean,

Yesterday you turned 23 months old! This month has been crazy full of activities, many of them new to you, and I swear all the excitement and sunshine has caused you to grow at least three inches.

Among the "firsts" this month:
- you were a flower girl in your first wedding
- you saw a horse up close (a Clydesdale no less! and so you made the sign for "elephant")
- you were left with family while your parents went out to dinner (we both survived)
- you participated in a surprise party for your daddy
- you went on a 3 day raft trip where you
- slept in a tent and sleeping bag for the first time and
- caught your first fish
- got your first skinned knee
- went berry picking
- learned to jump with both feet off the ground
- let us floss your teeth! How many almost-2 year olds do THAT?
- slept through the night on your own mattress

I'm pretty sure that last one was a fluke though, a result of exhaustion from the birthday weekend and berry picking in the sun. Your sleeping habits haven't really changed - you still wake up once or twice a night to nurse and snuggle. What has changed is that I've managed to tame the wild nursling in you a bit. When your hands get a little too wild and it seems to be keeping you from falling asleep I hand you your kitty cat, a delightful little soft stuffed animal your Mom Mom gave to you. You aren't really a stuffed animal kind of kid right now, but you do love that little kitty, and will wrap your arm around it when you fall asleep at night, saving me from getting whapped in the face by your roving hands.

You have been eating a lot this month too, trying to fuel your body's rapid growth. You try pretty much everything we put in front of you, loving the salmon off the grill, the bowl of peas (yay!), even the squash enchilada I shared with you at my new favorite healthy restaurant. I almost peed my pants when you reached for a second helping. You were eating vegetables! And liking it!

And your vocabulary? My gawd! Slow down child! You have moved beyond repeating words you hear me say. You are now hearing words, comprehending their meaning, storing them for later use, and then firing them back at me when I least expect it (see Eddie below). I think that reading books at night is tiring you out. When we read before bed you stare at each page with a slight frown and your amazing eyebrows drawn in. You concentrate so hard on the pictures you see and the words you hear that after two or three you shut the book, sometimes saying "away" and "bed", and fall back exhausted.

You are so confident on your feet now. You have always loved walking down the hill of our driveway, but now you run, circling back up the steps to the top of the hill and running down again. You've also become more confident on our neighbor's steps, climbing up and walking down the narrow wall that borders the railing. You hardly cry at all anymore when you fall, but rather pick yourself up and keep on moving to keep up with your friends or move on to the next adventure.

Sometimes when we eat dinner you rest your head in your hand while you chew, because you are so weary from all the learning and growing you did that day that you need to be propped up lest your heavy head rolls off. And this is such a good lesson for us. Maybe if we were all a little more open to growing and learning we'd eat and sleep better.

In a couple of weeks we are going on a REALLY big adventure to visit Mom Mom and Pop Pop, where you will visit the best beach in the entire world, and frolic in sugar white sand and a warm ocean. You will, hopefully, eat some of the best food on earth, tropical fruits you haven't had the opportunity to try before, and its okay if you don't like them because then there will be more for me. You will get to spend a lot of time naked, with toes in the water, and I expect you to have grown out of all your clothes by the time we get home.

Love,
Mama

Eddie

2008-07-07T10:23:00.001-07:00

Scene: Backyard; the Bean is on the back deck playing with some 5 gallon containers we took on the river, now drying in the sun. I am watering the garden. She is happily engrossed in her activity, mostly concentrating silently on taking the caps on and off and twisting the spigots. Occasionally she will babble something to herself.

Bean: Mama! Eddie!
Me: Eddie? (wracking my brains - we don't know anyone named Eddie)
Bean: Eddie!
Me: Yeah, Eddie! (what the hell is Eddie?)
Bean, eyebrows knit, getting frustrated: Eddie! Eddie!
Me: Is that Eddie? Are you Eddie? Do you want to see Eddie? (clutching at straws)
Bean, stamping her feet because mama just doesn't get it: EDDIE! EDDIE!
Me, lightbulb moment: Empty? Are those containers empty?
Bean: Yes.

Back to playing.

Rafting!

2008-07-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

We just got back from three glorious days on a river a few hours from our city. This is a river we've been on with my old boss a few times, though not on this particular stretch, and last year I sent the Tween and King but stayed home with the Bean. This portion of the river however is very mild, with only Class 1 riffles and a single Class 2 rapid (classed for the technical aspect vs. the size) so it was toddler safe. The best part was that due to overbooking, we were given a 14' raft instead of the 16' one we were expecting, so the rental company threw in an inflatable kayak for free. The Tween spent most of the time in it, learning river hydrology, the best way to handle small rapids, fishing in the slow spots, and working his upper body. It was a huge self confidence boost for him, and he wasn't stuck cramped in the boat with the rest of us. This made the time he did spend with the Bean much happier for both of them, and he was more likely to look after her in camp when I needed him too.

I had two major concerns and two minor concerns with taking the Bean on this trip, and all proved easy to deal with. The two things I worried about most were shade and where she would nap if we were on the boat 6-8 hours a day. For shade we brought along an assortment of tarps and poles to experiment with, including the pole structure of her little play tent that we thought we could erect in the well at the front of the boat and drape a tarp or towel over. Thank goodness we were able to leave it all in the car though, as one of the other long-time rafters that was on the trip with us had several beach umbrellas that he distributed among the boats. This simple item saved us, though the King had quite a bit of a challenge keeping us in the shade and keeping up with the rest of the crew. The few times it got very windy we had to pull it down to keep us from sailing back upriver, but most of the time we were able to keep it up and the Bean in the shade. Very useful considering she'd often pull her hat off and refuse to wear it, nor did she like long sleeves or pants. Or shoes for that matter. Or her diaper.

The nap concern also turned into a non-issue. She simply fell asleep sitting in my lap. On the third day I finally got tired of holding her and laid her out on a bench in the boat on top of two life jackets, and covered her up with a white towel. She easily slept at least 45 minutes, possibly more than an hour each day, and awoke refreshed and ready to play.

The two minor concerns I had involved whether or not she would eat enough since our options were limited to what we packed, and how she would do sleeping on a sleeping bag on a Thermarest in a tent. And again I needn't have worried. She stuffed her face with snacks throughout the day (dried fruit, nuts, avocado, smoked turkey and ham) plus lots of water and some Pedialyte to keep hydrated, and ate light dinners. She got sleepy when it started to get dark, just like at home, and easily fell asleep. And she loved the tent. LOVED IT. Every afternoon when we found a spot for the night and put up our tent we'd unpack the Thermarest pads and sleeping bags to air them out. The Bean would dive upon them, giggling and rolling around, and order you to "fall" on them too. Then throughout the evening she'd want to go play in the "house". We have a four person REI Hobitat and it must have seemed HUGE to her.

The very first night, when we had driven to the put in but were camping at a State Park, I had spread her open sleeping bag on top of our two pads and put my open sleeping bag on top of us. However, while her bag was a square bottom that opened all the way, mine was a mummy bag that opened only to a foot above the tapered bottom. So all night long I worried about rolling over and exposing her, about whether she would kick off the covers, about whether she was comfortable. And so I got no sleep. The rest of the trip she was in her own sleeping bag, and it was much warmer on the river so I never stressed about temperature. Even the night we slept on a rocky island in the middle of the river we were comfortable. Just like home she would wake just once to nurse and quickly fell back asleep. I think the combination of sun, the rocking motion of the boat, and the sound of the river at night helped all of us to sleep extremely well. Not to mention being "out there", away from all the lights, sounds of industry, and electricity in general. I love camping.

Gotta share this cool rock formation we saw from our rocky island camp spot. The rock is on the right hand side of the photo on the horizon:

Whites called it "Coffin Rock", and you can sort of see that it looks a bit like a sarcophagus. The Native Americans called it "Star Gazer" and you can very much see why. From right to left you can see a forehead, a nose, and a prominent chin. Then it continues to the low hills where you can see a neck, a breastbone with pectoral muscles, a shoulder and arm, a stomach line. It looks exactly like a person laying on their back looking up at the sky. The effect is a amazing and we had a fantastic view on our last night on the river. A fitting end to a trip that was too short.

Sleep - we lost it

2008-06-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

Yep, definitely a fluke (*yawn*), but there are so many factors that affect sleep I certainly can't expect the little one to just all of a sudden start doing something she's never done before. And on Thursday we head out to a really big adventure: three days on a local river in a big raft rowed by her daddy. This will be the first time camping with the Bean and if she can stand the 3-4 hour car ride to get to the put in I think she'll have a blast. And I'm hoping that the sun, scenery, water, fishing, and new people will suffice to knock her out at night so that she doesn't even notice she's sleeping on the ground. At least the big tent will be a novelty right?

I made some kick-ass strawberry jam with Tita last night. I can't wait to crack it open and enjoy it on toast!

Sleep - we gots it

2008-06-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

Our usual night time routine is that when I am ready to turn off the light I ask the Bean if she wants to get into her bed and she enthusiastically scoots over to her mattress and waits for me to climb into my spot, which is my side of my own bed. But for about the past week the Bean has been wanting to go to sleep in our bed, in her usual spot in the middle. Since she usually ends up there anyway I have been relenting and letting her nurse down in her center spot. But last night I decided it was time and told her she'd be returning to her own bed, at least to start. That she could come into our bed whenever she wanted to, but she was going to go to sleep in her own space. She wasn't happy about it, but when I turned off the light and lay down on her mattress she reluctantly crawled over, nestled in, and was soon asleep.

And she stayed there.

The whole night.

Without waking me up to nurse.

Now, think about that. It has been 1 year, 10 months, and 14 days exactly that she has been sharing a bed with us. That's almost two years of waking up anywhere from two to a million times a night. There has only been one other time that she didn't wake up to nurse until dawn and I think I myself woke up about a million times to check on her. But last night I slept solid, waking up at 5 a.m. feeling very refreshed. The King got up briefly to use the bathroom and when he came back to bed I tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the center of the bed to show him the absence of Bean. Being a typical keenly observant, attention-to-detail guy (*cough*) he said "What?" to which I replied "no baby". "Huh", he said, and perhaps sensing my shock at his lack of incredulity he added "wow" and rolled over and went back to sleep.

Obviously he lacked the significance of the moment. Obviously he has never had his nipples chewed on for the umpteenth time while trying to find a comfortable place for various limbs, his and someone else's, while feeling exhausted and dreading having to get up in an hour to go to work.

But I have been marveling for the past three hours, and will celebrate today regardless of the fact that it was likely a rare event, and could not repeat until the Bean is 13 when she hits puberty and can't be roused from her room before 11 a.m. like her brother.

So I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. It may be hard to repeat the conditions that caused such a deep sleep. It could have been due to the surprise party we threw for the King's 40th birthday this weekend, the one that was preceded by the King and I going out to dinner ALONE for the first time in almost two years (we left the Bean with a tribe of family to occupy her while we were away). Or it could have been due to the 1.5 hours we spent picking 12.5 pounds of organic strawberries in the warm sun waaaaaaay past nap time on Sunday. Whatever the reason, and whatever happens tonight or the next or the next, I am feeling great today, and am ready to give the Bean extra kisses when I get home.

As if I needed a reason. :-)

A few photos from Colorado

2008-06-18T10:03:00.001-07:00

Rehearsing with wings (she didn't like them).

Goofing for the camera with mommy and Meow.

All dressed up with wings.

Wearing our "eyes".

Great playground in Fort Collins.

Tuckered out little Bean.

Travels with Bean

2008-06-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we were in Colorado for the wedding of one of my closest friends. We stayed up at a dude ranch at 8500' elevation but also spent time in Fort Collins, and of course the driving back and forth from Denver. We started our travels at midday on Thursday and didn't get home until Monday night. The Bean was amazing given the time change, the heavy travel (air, car, foot), eating strange food in strange places, not to mention sleeping in a strange bed. She was one of three flower girls in the wedding, and the youngest, and she did a great job. I have come to the conclusion that I would be happy to travel with her anywhere, as long as the King was there with me to give me a break, and perhaps her brother the Tween for entertainment purposes.

Highlights from the trip, in no particular order:

1) My other best friend, KD, has a first name that sounds a very little bit like "Kitty" but it was enough that the Bean called her "Meow" the entire trip. All day long we heard "Meow, bubbles?" (to blow bubbles) "Meow, eat?", "Meow, book?", "Meow?!". The Bean LOVED Meow and the poor girl could hardly go the bathroom without the Bean standing outside screaming at the top of her lungs "MEOW?!?!". Gave me great fodder for teasing let me tell you

2) Holding a tired and somewhat grumpy Bean during the wedding ceremony (I was a bridesmaid) and trying to distract her while she yelled/cried "BOOBAH!" and stuck her hand down my dress in an attempt to free them.

3) The look on the face of the Bean when she checked out a pair of Clydesdale horses for the first time. She made the sign for "elephant".

4) Standing around a campfire and sharing a bottle of Jack with two friends I haven't hung out with in a long time while the King watched over a sleeping Bean back at the condo. I laughed so hard that I cried. Several times.

5) Evie (rhymes with 'heavy'), a 60-something southern Scotch-drinking grandma, a friend of the bride, that put us up for the last night of our stay (in Fort Collins). We were a little wary of sleeping in the house of a woman we had never met before but it turned out to be one of the highlights of our trip. And it was a good lesson for the Tween - keep an open mind and an open heart and you can meet some really cool people in your lifetime. And be sure to return the favor to others some day. She LOVED the Bean, who loved her in return and gave her a big hug as we were leaving. If Evie wandered out of sight the Bean would walk around the house yelling "EBB-EE?", which of course Evie loved.

6) Sleeping in my own bed last night. I love going places, especially to hang out with friends I rarely see, but man did my own bed feel good.

Pictures to follow and yes, I know I always say that.

Happy birthday to me!

2008-06-17T14:29:00.001-07:00

Today is my 36th birthday and, completely coincidental, my first breast pump free day at work. Yep, I've dumped the pump. Last week the Bean just didn't take very much milk, either from a bottle or a glass. So it looks like I'm off the hook and that chapter of my life for the past almost two years is over. I guess that nursing for us has moved past hunger, thirst, and even nourishment (those are all still benefits, thank goodness) and is now solely in the realm of cuddling, giggling, tickling, conversing, falling gently asleep and snuggling. Thank you little Bean! This is the best birthday gift you could give me!

22 months plus 3 days

2008-06-11T11:44:00.001-07:00

This always happens. Every month I write a letter to the Bean and wonder what there is to say. And somehow this long gushy post appears. And then the next day I think of three or four things I forgot to record.

For example this month she has started actually saying things on the phone when the King calls me at work. Well, more like shouting things at me, including "HI!" "MOMMY?!" "DADDY!" "HI!" "YES!" "NO!" "HI!" and the new favorite "SEESAW?!?!"

Yes, seesaw. This is her new favorite thing, as favorite as blueberries and the bike hat (which apparently she has been wearing all morning and refuses to take off). She has been riding on the seesaw, unassisted, for a couple of months now. She is very good at holding on, and its quite the workout for the obliging parent. Gotta love squats.

Last night I drummed for the dance class. I have been wanting to get back to this for a long time but never felt it was right to a) leave the Bean with the King after he'd been with her all day and b) leave the Bean when I'd only been home for an hour and a half. But the King insisted, because it was once a big part of my life and I've been moping about it recently. I knew she'd be fine, and she was, but I couldn't help but feel like there was suddenly this huge change, this shift in the routine that tore a huge gaping hole in my heart. I didn't worry about her while I was gone (a whole 2 hours), and I didn't rush upstairs to check on her when I got home. But when I went to bed she woke up, sleepily opened her eyes and whispered "mommy?" and smiled when she saw me there. And my heart melted into this huge puddle that flooded the house and a flock of doves flew out of my butt.

We are headed out for a long weekend to attend the wedding of one of my best friends and I have to say that I am looking forward to getting out of town, getting some fresh air, getting some SUN, and hanging out with friends too-long-not-seen. Other changes may be in the works that further the shift away from routine, but I'll write more about that next week.

22 months old

2008-06-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

My dear little Bean,

Wow. This month has been great. Every night I go to bed and my face hurts from so much grinning and laughing and talking. Words! You have so many! Yesterday you were playing with a tie-d0wn one might use to secure something big and bulky to the top of the car. You picked it up and I told you it was heavy. You looked at me and shouted (because you almost never say anything in a normal tone of voice, that is, one that might not cause earthquakes in our house or your father's tinnitus to explode out his ears) "HEAVY!" with the most perfect dictation. I couldn't believe it! You had never tried the word before, and it was a complex multi-syllable word with a consonant in it, and you reproduced it perfectly. You might even have grasped what it meant, but I won't push it. Next we are going to work on "ukelele" and "Kalani'ani'ole Highway", in preparation for our upcoming trip to visit your maternal grandparents.

But it is more than just words for new things. You are also learning words for things you have already known. For a long time you'd see a dog or a picture of a dog and say "Woof". Then earlier this month it changed to "Arf!". And just this week you actually started to say "dog" or even "puppy dog". You are finally beginning to make the distinction between the name of the object and the sound it makes. You are beginning to understand that an item or object can have many different words applied to it. This has opened a new world to you, and it is fascinating to watch you work it out. You have become so curious, and now instead of just pointing out things you know to me you are beginning to point to something and ask me what it is. You will point, turn your beautiful blue eyes to me, and with a very concerned look with your brows drawn and a concentrated mouth you will say "uh?". And I admit, sometimes it takes me a moment to figure out why you are pointing to this item, because I am also new to your curiosity and a need to name things. So please be patient with me. Repeated pokings and ever-increasingly louder "UH'S?!?!" will work, but are very annoying.

The weather has been very odd this month. We've had a few days of sun and lots of grey cold windy/rainy days, but that doesn't seem to have put a damper on your love of being outdoors, and/or the possibility of one of the other kids coming out to join you (and bring their toys). Its a bit magical actually. One child makes an appearance and suddenly five others show up with an accompanying parent offering to share coffee or beer, and lots of good conversation. Its amazing to me that I lived near these wonderful people for five years or more and never exchanged more than a wave and a hello with them until we all had kids. Now I've sat in their yards, strolled/played in their gardens, peeked inside their homes. In face we're planning a closed-street block party later this summer and there has even been talk of trying to do some potlucks once or twice a month. I never have to worry about noise after bedtime (except from that one odd-to-the-neighborhood house full of rotating college students down the street), and I've gone to a number of houses to borrow that cup full of sugar. Our end of the street has become a really nice place to spend a day.

On a recent rainy morning we loaded into the car with your daddy, La Nina, and Tita (your new name for La Mama, La Nina's mommy) and went strawberry picking! We all wore our boots and tromped through the fields "hunting" for shiny red treasure. It didn't take much time for you to figure out that anything with even the slightest shade of pink was a tasty treat and before long you were shoving strawberries in your face. We picked about 4 pounds, but I think you ate about 7. Pounds. And then pooped it all out the next day when I was at work. See? I knew you loved me best (although your daddy has a way of "forgetting" to do your laundry). Anyway, I have a feeling that, unlike the rest of us, summer is when you will pack on the most pounds.

Blueberry season is up next, and if you were trapped on a desert island with only one food of your choice for the rest of your life then at this moment in time you would most certainly pick blueberries. Here's the thing that might puzzle the person posing the question though. The word "blueberries" is still a little bit tricky for you to wrap your mouth around. So instead you say "boobies", which is understandable not to mention totally adorable, and not to be confused with the still-ever-popular "boobahs", that part of my anatomy that you still attach yourself to a few times a day.

This month Tita fed you and La Nina some peas and now you eat them with some regularity and by that I mean maybe once a week. If I'm lucky. But in fact, most of the things you now eat that previously you would gag over and throw across the room were given to you by Tita. So I have decided to bring you over there any time I want to feed you vegetables, which means every day. And that's fine with you because they have a bona fide bathtub in their house, as opposed to the large laundry sink you endure because it gets filled with water and bubbles. You have now taken several baths next door and sometimes I feel ashamed and wonder if they think that I can't properly bathe my child by myself. But really its so much fun to sit with a glass of wine and discuss parenting/sustainability/or simply good books/movies with another mom while the kids try to drown each other with splashing and fight over who gets to play with / chew on the shampoo bottle.

And this month we finally got you on a bike! I spent some dough fixing up my old clunker and I threw on a seat that sits above my handle bars, so you can be up front, tucked under my chin, as we cruise through the neighborhood. At first you were a little hesitant and did NOT want to wear the helmet. Excuse me, the "bike hat", as you have so lovingly termed it. But a spin around the block had you ~~begging me~~ ordering me to keep going. I LOVE having you within conversation distance, to see it all through your eyes. On Sunday we went by the little amusement park in our neighborhood and there was a live band playing. You immediately threw your hands in the air and started to wiggle your butt which sent me into a giggle fit which almost crashed us. But had you been in a trailer behind me I might have missed it. I will be sorry when you grow out of the little seat, which might happen tomorrow given how much you have sprouted up this month. It's a good thing that summer is (supposedly) coming because you have instantly grown out of all the super cute footed pajamas that a few months ago were so big you tripped over the long feet. When people see you they remark on how big you look, and its true that you have indeed grown, but they also forget that your mama is a hobbit and so in proportion you look like a giant toddler. But stand you next to La Nina and your midget genes shine through, sorry kid.

Bean, I have two favorite times of day during the work week. The first is when I walk in the front door and you shout "MOMMY!" with the biggest grin I've ever seen on your face. And you squirm out of daddys arms and come running over to me, usually shouting "COAT! BOOTS!" if I have my scooter gear on. Sometimes you will even let me scoop you up and give you a hug and a kiss but usually you just start tearing at my clothes and yelling "BOOBAH! TWO!" But usually I don't mind because its been so many hours since I had seen you and because it means I am officially home for the day. And that smile. Its just so worth it.

My other favorite time of day is really a subtle moment - those few moments where you have finally settled in to nursing and are sliding towards sleep. I can feel your body relax, you have stopped rolling around and ceased talking to yourself, and have given yourself up for the day. You are soft, and drowsy, and make little noises, and more often than not you give me the Sleepies and I nod off too. We had about one rough week this month where you were up late, overtired, and I could not get you to fall asleep before 10 pm, which meant that I had NOT A SINGLE MOMENT of time for me before I had to get to bed myself (I wake up at 5:45 am, it's not fun) and it freaked me out.

Since then we've been better about getting you fed and ready to start reading books by 8:30 and you've been asleep by 9:15. Even better, you have been telling me when you are done reading and are ready to crash. You say "night night? boobah?" and when I say "are you done with books? are you ready to go night night?" you'll say "yah" (and actually in a normal tone of voice, confirming how tired you are) and "away" (to put the books away). And I'll say "okay, do you want to get into your bed?" and you'll say "yah!" and quickly scoot onto your own little mattress, usually upside down and with your butt in the air, but at least you are in the right place. And as soon as I start to take off my shirt you start giggling, which always cracks me up too, and its such a nice way to end our day together, laughing in bed and settling in with blankies and cuddles.

The runner-up favorite moment is for me alone though. Its that moment sometime later when I crawl into bed myself, exhausted from my day. I will say that I love our bed. It is the most comfortable thing I have ever slept on and crawling into it is like the memory of crawling into your mama's lap when you were a small child. It is warm, and safe, and very very soft. It smells good and allows you to finally let go and completely relax. And when I get into this little piece of heaven on earth the first thing I do is lean over you, locate your various scattered limbs to make sure they are warm, and listen to you breathe for a few moments. And I know that is very clichéd and you know that I don't care - I don't think any parent can easily let that moment go (right mom?) and I will continue to do it until I can't stand the smell that is emanating from your future teenager room.

I love you, little one.

Love,
Mama